I am SORRY.

I tried drowning my thoughts with music. It goes away but as soon as the music stops and the beat goes down, notions ripples in. I can't shush myself nor quiescent it out. See how hard this situation held me in the world? A very distracting and altercating position is I may say so.


I even vexed booze and wine. It eluded and deadened me but that just lasted over a night. And then the next, it's still there, tormenting me with the very deed, being played back over and over again. I don't want to obsess anymore, I wann be free and rid all this incredulity. 


As when the fire toned down and the concupiscence decamps away, I can't help but think the wads I hurt and the pecks torn apart. I can't bear in mind the havoc am gonna create and holoc am stirring through. My validity as a human being - selfless and helpful and giving and understanding, tarnished and crashed into details.


Did I even tried to stop? Did I enthrall and muster a voice to defy? How can I slip through my strict conscience? Do I like him in a sensual way that it created a faux pas to my consciousness? And would he even return a slightest bit of a kindle?


All I can remember are remnants. Blur. Sickening blur. I am so bothered I don't know what am gonna do and think. From the looks of it, it went by as the minutes passed by and the hours ambled. It was never tackled nor discussed even set nub to it. I am no cynic but at this point in time I became a misanthropist. Maybe am just creating a ghost that axioms my entirety.


One thing galls me.
I denied a friend.
Will be hurting a friend.
Most of all effectuate pain to a friend.


I am SORRY.