love game

I think of you
while you think of her
cliche, right?
but i learned to manage.


I love you
and you love her
then you play with two others too
way too convenient, see?


So all i can do
is watch the sequel and the prequel
of this love game that we're caught in.

happiness

a cliche? a word of mouth or an overrated remark?

hard to tell.
I am bitter, wallowing and in a sour mood to eat what that word means.
hoax if you ask me right now.
just a state of mind, that's it!
nothing more, nothing less.

things are not quite like before.
air a bit heavy, smiles are just on the face not reaching the heart and mind.
burdened? yes!
bothered? yes!
insecured? yes!
I guess all of the questions are answerable by yes these days!
categorically? yes!

digital!
they say everything already is!
camera prints, mails, internet connections even nails.
add karma and a pinch of hocus-pocus, viola! Voodoo!
instant!
digital!
that and everything else is all I want. karma!
I want it now. I want it good!

when can I reach the zenith?
finality!
relationship one after the other!
fling over another fling!
one-night-stand after another!
nada!
futile!
not even a nanosecond helped!
hopeless!

now I grieve.
now I cry.

hoping tomorrow brings another dew!
to fill my cup with an overflow!

defying twitter urge.....

9-21

good thing my agents are keeping me busy whole 9 hours long- I don't have to think!

what would be a good action to say am sorry- a friend told saying sorry is so overrated and conventional, they always go to waste!

after this shift- imma think again! what to do?

it's eating me.... I wanna say my apologies but today is "legal wife's" day. Do I still have his friendship when he comes back?

I have regrets what I did last Sunday- the party ended because of me! The crowd and the fun died down because of my prerogatives-gone-bad!

I am a certified bitch and a drama-Queen

I am still holding back onto my Twitter urges.... I want to post but I need to suppress!

defying twitter urge.....

here is my 2-cents.....
9-19




I got played on my own game.


so utang na loob ko pa ang maging friend mo-


I already settled myself as a beer-friend.... thinking honesty would be our policy! You lied!


sana di na kita makita- I know di sadya ang omission of details but it should have been the case. Kasalanan ko din yata I did not ask.


pangalawang beses na kitang dinelete sa buhay ko- sana last na toh!


I am not okay! I want to ask questions but just can't!


BEER-friends!

my MUSE

I should be inspired right now but am not!
I should be thinking clearly but all my thoughts are rummaging in fact!
I should be able to incorporate all dire emotions but all I do is stare blankly on the white page in front of me!
I should feel the flow of creativity but no vivacious urge triggers my deepest essence.


WHY?


What is wrong? Is it me or not?
I am stuck!

my STARFISH

some says he's GAY
some said HE ISN'T


He said NO.


some said HE'S too YOUNG
some says AGE does not really MATTER


He said HE'S MATURE enough to handle himself well.


some argued HE'S too SKINNY
some said HE'S just LANKY and eventually grow out of it!


HE said with his TONED ABS and BICEPS who needs to buff.


some pointed HE'S SHORT
some says HIS height is just right about his age


HE said HIS COUNTENANCE plus WIT and CHARM takes it all in.


I say?


I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

ansakit

I feel the tremble from my feet up to my naple!
i feel cold on my palms!
I have to accept defeat even when I haven't geared my armor up!
I have to face the fact that not every goal is winning!
funny how things work!
funny how things end up!
it hurts to say goodbye, when you haven't said your hello's
it hurts to affirm that the only confirmation you got was a nod
I guess this is it!
I guess that is life!
at least now I know, that when I walk away- we're good friends as can be!
at least now its clear, that milestone in life- needs to be savored while it lasts!

i dunno

will I let myself be happy?
OPEN and HAPPY?


or it would be much better to be resctricted?
SET and RESTRICTED?


OPEN or FIXED?
HAPPY or SET?


I know in the end I will get truly hurt.
At the expense of being happy, is it okay to let go and be in the current situation?


is this gonna be an INEVITABLE HEARTBREAK?