emo boy

With my last break-up, I got devastated-torned into pieces and crashed all through. Never thought I could still bounce up and put resilience back in me. I asked HIM real hard to give me the one that I love. HE did. But that's just it, HE gave me the physical entity but never the whole individual with heart and mind to think, love and feel. Little did I know, as I contemplated, it was my answered prayer. Granted by the Omnipotent.


Again I prayed hard, really hard, well let's say this time much harder than the last. This time, I entreat and adjure for HAPPINESS. That's all. May it be a new friend, empowered life, success with career, love of a kin or even just a simple gift. Doesn't really matter what it is. Just a lucid or even casual thing. Am up for grabs. Happiness. 


But as HE is so amazing and a truly wonderful loving GOD. I again asked for one and he gave me the ONE. I hope. Emo Boy. He made the sun shine again. Made me realize how it is to fall in love again and trust and hope and be simply happy. The thought of him clears my head and gives me life from within. Words may not vindicate and not be enough to utter how I feel right now. Happiness. I know it will end but that's the future's concern already and that's why we have a present to make all that progeny matter.


But wait there's more. Have I told you that I am in a POLYAMORY kind of relationship? 
I know! Smells trouble, right? Who cares! I don't.
I am not conventional and I have the alternative lifestyle to boot. So right now it's a win-win situation. Consent it stays the same. I hope. 


Uncertain, hmmm? Yes! It's inevitable. Everything else is temporary. Only HIM is enduring and permanent.

Porcelain Vase

Things are never fair So as life that makes everything go round its base Perfection beyond compare Maybe equality has summoned down to existence Now I know cruelly at its finest, am a judge for everything I see and observe and never on my drift that I would fall into the same pit. 

Cliche huh? 

I should have realized but too little too late, falling is inevitable. Here I go again, when will I ever learn? I guess never! Sad! Am all scarred and barren but nothing ever comes to place. I’ve already tried contemplating events over events but still, not even a sense knocks me dead, pitiful mistake. I don’t wanna overanalyze things as they have happened and am sure it will always occur as recur yet desperation still envelopes me. Am I really that desperate? Yeah. I guess I am! But who would have suggested that the only people that would captivate his heart are monarchy and not low-lives! Am I such a junk only good for friends et.al?

I’ve already perfected the craft of friendship, been there, done that and a true blue friend I have become to all of my chums but I need more than that, friends gives a different smile and happiness but a lover in love is a factor I need most. Sigh! Well, things are never always on your side, now I realized you can control all things around you but if it would involve feelings and behaviors from a living cell, I doubt if I can surpass without a shrink’s advice. A friend once told me whatever makes me happy go! But how about if the party involve bluntly doesn’t want affection emanating from your end and worse LOVE. Am not the blame tame kind but am just very truthful of what I think and feel, is that wrong? hmmm, maybe yes! 

Judgemental and all that but creepy tale that every so often this hardly is a life that keeps on having a pattern of mistakes. Will I ever learn? When? Absolute me please! Am already tired, flexed and vexed but still am in the midst of emptiness. Bum me if you like. However on the other hand, maybe the problem is picking the individual? to have a life with? is that the case? I will be defying truth to myself if I will let illusion cloud everything I believe is right and would just nod and smile. 

God created me as a nuisance to people around me, which friends find me annoying in a good sense and kind of way. Practically I know what to do but just dumb to follow and hard-headed to digest truth. Hard as it may seem but am happy inside and out. What will I choose? Mind over heart? Heart over mind? Coz if luck would prevail who won’t be happy and eternally grateful, right? But as what they say “if there’s a will, there’s a way” yet in every aspect it would commence, the decision still not yours, but to the other half of the equation also.