all drafts

all posts ..... all thoughts ..... still simmering and concocting

THANK YOU.....

more than words....

more than appreciation....

more than friendship...

more than family.....

Coming to work became more than all of those....

With you there and the Argonauts on the side....

I can never thank you enough....

from the petty jokes, to the most reaffirming wisdom and to your personal insights....

I will never say goodbye....

But its just so sad to see one of the beautiful people both inside and out go....

Yet immeasurable as you have become....

Wishing for your growth more than everything else....

See you around dear Ryan....

nahiunuban

(getting caught up)

It was like Cinderella running for her life at the strike of 12! Heels on the right, ball gown trail on her left. I pretty much know the feeling. LoL  :)

But this is different. Why?

Cinderella is just a euphimism!

Last year at the ding of midnight I was infront of a bottle of alcohol.
Celebrating. It was New Year and having fun. Never have I thought that whole year round imma be infront of an alcohol celebrating and always enjoying! How about that?

love game

I think of you
while you think of her
cliche, right?
but i learned to manage.


I love you
and you love her
then you play with two others too
way too convenient, see?


So all i can do
is watch the sequel and the prequel
of this love game that we're caught in.

yun yata ang problema sa akin!

i demand
i require

yun yata ang problema sa akin!

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
na magkasama tayo lagi-
yung may casual conversation-
yung may biruan-
konting flirt dito, a bit of manyak doon-
di ba dapat masaya na ako?

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
na magkatext tayo every once in a while-
kumustahan minsan-
mga forwarded messages-
kulitan sa GM-
yung simpleng constant communication-
di ba dapat masaya na ako?

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
pero hindi eh-
may kulang-
parang puwang na di mafill-up kahit anong gawin-
matabang-
parang dull moment lagi or dead air-

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
hindi talaga eh

happiness

a cliche? a word of mouth or an overrated remark?

hard to tell.
I am bitter, wallowing and in a sour mood to eat what that word means.
hoax if you ask me right now.
just a state of mind, that's it!
nothing more, nothing less.

things are not quite like before.
air a bit heavy, smiles are just on the face not reaching the heart and mind.
burdened? yes!
bothered? yes!
insecured? yes!
I guess all of the questions are answerable by yes these days!
categorically? yes!

digital!
they say everything already is!
camera prints, mails, internet connections even nails.
add karma and a pinch of hocus-pocus, viola! Voodoo!
instant!
digital!
that and everything else is all I want. karma!
I want it now. I want it good!

when can I reach the zenith?
finality!
relationship one after the other!
fling over another fling!
one-night-stand after another!
nada!
futile!
not even a nanosecond helped!
hopeless!

now I grieve.
now I cry.

hoping tomorrow brings another dew!
to fill my cup with an overflow!

I can blog about it

It has been a while, a very long while if I may add that I have poured out my soul and thought in words!
Blame it on Twitter- who micro-sects my thoughts, voicing shoutouts to the world to hear and see not noticing the importance of stressing a paragraph. The purest form of expression.

Well am back for good. It was quite a hiatus to what am accustomed to. Quite a while as well since the heartbreak and destruction was self inflicted, waking up from the ashes was just unbearable and very heavy. Yet all good things come to end- true on my part. It ended. Bad. Real bad.

We met way back June 2011. I was a mentor and Pat was my mentee.
He was a seeker- for attention, for priority and even validation as what I have assesed. Hungry even for
commendation and praise.

It all started with Facebook- I added him, him adding back.
Email was the culprit- the exchange of thoughts and whereabouts were boundless and very open. Then there were greetings that became conversation and eventually became a habit. The greets became daily and then transformed into hourly jokes and got developed into sweet-nothings and blahs.

Our common ground was BEER and ALCOHOL.

We shared the same love for drinking. We became beer-friends. After work. Before work. And even in between work. I was the mentor and Pat was my mentee.

Funny how it all synched and sinked. The partnership was mutual I guess- he was for my fund and me for his camp.

The laughter, the thrill and the company was exhilarating and exciting. His visage was like Helen- it launched a thousand ships and in my case raised a thousand brows! He was swell with it. He said, as long as we both know the real score, to hell with hale! I said, okay! And that was over a bucket of beer!

He had a friend- a very dear and close friend. That promised him the world and the universe(read: forever
friendship). That did not happen. Secret feelings does not really work well with forever-friend-setup-thingy!

Been there! Done that! Passe as it is on my thesaurus.

Me and my big mouth: "I would never do such a thing. I will be your friend till the very end." And that was over a bucket of beer!

As the friendship became strong, so as the feelings. Stronger. The confession came. Rejection followed. I persisted. He conceded.

The ride was a rollercoaster. There were ups and mostly downs. There were concealed loops and overtured jumps. Certain halts here and there. Unfortunately collision was enivitable on mine.

Time and space collided. Days turned into nights. Six months have passed. Bucketful of beers and bucketful of tears. Now am trying to mend a broken heart and fix a broken sonnet. Though I did not get my happy ending but still I can blog about it!