…the whore in ME… / February 8, 2010

I felt so bad, so dirty and filthy but I kept thinking this is part of life, it comes and goes and sometimes stays. Smirking me when it was all done. A deed shameful enough but you gotta try what you gotta write, correct?

Here’s what happened, as I was walking down the alley, waiting for a cab to run my way, I kinda stopped by this dim sum house to catch some air, drunk and wasted as I was, head spinning and Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance playing on my mind. The attendant smiled. Confused and dazed I smiled back, thinking that it was a part of the service, who cares, but the chills under my spine knows a bit of what was gonna happen next. And it did. We exchanged digits and address plus the names. Naughty me as a devils what you gonna be, I called him, set a date and time and place, BAM! Hook-up to nook up played its way.

We did it in less than 30 minutes tops, 20 even – not that am in a hurry but that’s all it takes, what was unusual is that it just came by a fly, no hang-ups, no personal feelings, not even a conversation. We just did it. Fun, thrilling and a bit conscience-biting that me who’s a sucker for love and romance and happy-endings would wound up and catching up with the trail.

Bandwagon this has become, a friend of mine calls it “pasaload” and actually not to mention few of my friends are doing it, we call it one-time-fuck or the hi-hello-good fuck.  Weird, really as it never occurred to me. It shocked me even after he left that I did it.

I’ve been reckless before but not this type of foolhardy. Juvenile.

No strings attached. Maybe its the craze or the in-thing now a days, I can’t really fathom but the experience, one helluva ride. The thrill and the adventure is there yet am also thinking of the repercussions, the what-ifs and the what-woulds, who cares, it was a night I won’t ever forget.

The Beyond-See (Beyonce) Experience

So tiring.

Whew!

I never thought of that when I was doing it on a daily basis though. It figures, am I getting old already and my nerves are not coping up with me? 

Well, to start with, we had this office affair, black masquerade and all. Name it, glamour, pulchritude, posse, seduction, and sophistication to sept a few. Dating back history early 15th century, in celebration of the Venetian Carnival, involving music, dance, singing and acting. Nowadays it has been so elaborate and fabulous integrating intricate masks, colorful feathers and gorgeous ballgowns. Concealment is the name of the game in which you need to guess who is behind the maschera.

And as we celebrated “Our Dark Side” I promised my friends to show them my dark side, yep I had a separate life and that was before “maturity et al”. Well, that’s what am labelling it for as I have come to age about being youthful and celebrating it and expressing what and who you really are and wants to be. I guess that was 4 years ago, being in a cocoon for so long made me realise its not only a butterfly that is in there but also a soul dying for release and freedom. Heck! That was so long ago that I have already chosen and taken the path I am now accustomed and comfortable living to. And to stir things off, I performed together with 12 other talented individuals. In a suit, sexy, revealing and oh-so-hot! Just imagine me, a week ago donning a goatee and beard and then the next in a make-up fully done, dressed from top to toe. Picture Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen creations, not that exact, a bit mussy on the edges but the execution? Bam! Picture perfect!

Cliché? Hmm, not really! It’s just for fun and not for good. I missed it, yes. But not really into plunging with it again. You can say it’s just satisfying the crave or the thirst.

Conceptualizing it, was oh so easy. Planning was a bit messy. And execution was a bit gruesome, hell yeah! I can never imagined that I have been doing this everyday before. Yep! You heard it right! This was my daily routine before going to work, it was like everyday was a party and a “big opening night”. Hair, dress, accessories, name it and especially the shoes, carefully selected, matched and sometimes just to create a havoc or two defies fashion and rebels from time to time becoming a fashion disater. I was the Carrie Bradshaw of Burgundy! And I was happy, very happy. Being it all.

As the hardest part of all? Money! Yes, moolah! All boils down to the expenses. From haircare to accessories, to maintanance and testings, to product miscibility, takes a lot of toll, really! I can only envisage. How in the world was I able to maintain that prestige?

Right now? I can only imagine. Believe moi!

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