karma

I am single. 

Hard, cold fact. I know it ain't easy nor that hard to contemplate. Enigma as others say but others get it as a repellent. Is there such a thing? Relationship-repellent? I am bugged, confused and mandated. Insects has pestecides but do humans have as well? Beats me!

Couples say you are a threat, other singles says it's a blessing but mean girls says karma with a capital K.

I guess who wouldn't.

Take the certain case of a couple, they are blessed, yes. But don't think they are stable, oh no, no, no. Don't dare say that. Stability on one's relationship is always temperamental, it has its up's and down's, tricks and lo's straight or gay alike. No such pretensions, either they are making it or breaking it. Sucks big time really but that's reality.

Blessing yes, you get to do stuff on your own, no hang-ups to falter to, no restrictions to think of, no headaches and heartaches to ponder of the things you want to do. In short, no repercussions to answer to. Damn right you are, single as it is! 

Happy.

Period.

Karma? This is what am pointing at. Do you believe what comes around goes around? Right now, I am yes. I have been that bitch you can think of, having two main course over dinner, neglecting every plea a partner requests for, criticizing every move your behalf makes, name it, been there done that. As far as I can tally, the last verbiage that I uttered to a dearest was “ You are such a tiring company to be with” which relatively happened on a dinner date, enjoying a sumptous and expensive meal in a 5-star hotel. Asshole right? Well that's me. Bitchier than ever. Meaner than the last and egotistical in nature in the least.

But am I getting my meds rights now?

Is it payback time? Has my time came to be judged upon? Maybe it has. Maybe it will. Or not even. I don't really know. Should I be ready for that? Or let things pass by as they would? Well, tricky as I am in a situation I am into, guess perhaps?

Damn these bad vibes are! 


Shoo! Shoo! Get the heck away from me. Don't want you near, don't want you never. As in ever.

…the whore in ME… / February 8, 2010

I felt so bad, so dirty and filthy but I kept thinking this is part of life, it comes and goes and sometimes stays. Smirking me when it was all done. A deed shameful enough but you gotta try what you gotta write, correct?

Here’s what happened, as I was walking down the alley, waiting for a cab to run my way, I kinda stopped by this dim sum house to catch some air, drunk and wasted as I was, head spinning and Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance playing on my mind. The attendant smiled. Confused and dazed I smiled back, thinking that it was a part of the service, who cares, but the chills under my spine knows a bit of what was gonna happen next. And it did. We exchanged digits and address plus the names. Naughty me as a devils what you gonna be, I called him, set a date and time and place, BAM! Hook-up to nook up played its way.

We did it in less than 30 minutes tops, 20 even – not that am in a hurry but that’s all it takes, what was unusual is that it just came by a fly, no hang-ups, no personal feelings, not even a conversation. We just did it. Fun, thrilling and a bit conscience-biting that me who’s a sucker for love and romance and happy-endings would wound up and catching up with the trail.

Bandwagon this has become, a friend of mine calls it “pasaload” and actually not to mention few of my friends are doing it, we call it one-time-fuck or the hi-hello-good fuck.  Weird, really as it never occurred to me. It shocked me even after he left that I did it.

I’ve been reckless before but not this type of foolhardy. Juvenile.

No strings attached. Maybe its the craze or the in-thing now a days, I can’t really fathom but the experience, one helluva ride. The thrill and the adventure is there yet am also thinking of the repercussions, the what-ifs and the what-woulds, who cares, it was a night I won’t ever forget.