karma

I am single. 

Hard, cold fact. I know it ain't easy nor that hard to contemplate. Enigma as others say but others get it as a repellent. Is there such a thing? Relationship-repellent? I am bugged, confused and mandated. Insects has pestecides but do humans have as well? Beats me!

Couples say you are a threat, other singles says it's a blessing but mean girls says karma with a capital K.

I guess who wouldn't.

Take the certain case of a couple, they are blessed, yes. But don't think they are stable, oh no, no, no. Don't dare say that. Stability on one's relationship is always temperamental, it has its up's and down's, tricks and lo's straight or gay alike. No such pretensions, either they are making it or breaking it. Sucks big time really but that's reality.

Blessing yes, you get to do stuff on your own, no hang-ups to falter to, no restrictions to think of, no headaches and heartaches to ponder of the things you want to do. In short, no repercussions to answer to. Damn right you are, single as it is! 

Happy.

Period.

Karma? This is what am pointing at. Do you believe what comes around goes around? Right now, I am yes. I have been that bitch you can think of, having two main course over dinner, neglecting every plea a partner requests for, criticizing every move your behalf makes, name it, been there done that. As far as I can tally, the last verbiage that I uttered to a dearest was “ You are such a tiring company to be with” which relatively happened on a dinner date, enjoying a sumptous and expensive meal in a 5-star hotel. Asshole right? Well that's me. Bitchier than ever. Meaner than the last and egotistical in nature in the least.

But am I getting my meds rights now?

Is it payback time? Has my time came to be judged upon? Maybe it has. Maybe it will. Or not even. I don't really know. Should I be ready for that? Or let things pass by as they would? Well, tricky as I am in a situation I am into, guess perhaps?

Damn these bad vibes are! 


Shoo! Shoo! Get the heck away from me. Don't want you near, don't want you never. As in ever.

It’s all about sex.

As Michael Novotny said, it’s all about sex.

S      E       X     

Plain, simple and no hang-ups. Nothing more, nothing less. A big turn-off or maybe its just me and my big dream of a fairytale ending and happy ever after. A friend always reminds me, bars are not your relationship haven but hard-headed as I am, I still saunter and scrutinize. I should know better. I had the taste of my meds just last night; hot, hunky, tall and dark, what else could you ask for. Eyed him for several minutes and voila, dinner was served. And guess what was the first thing that he uttered, damn right it was, the formidable TOP or BOTTOM question. Hah! I know that was coming alright!

Can’t seem to fathom why is it hard to commit but for the sake of arousal and “itch” in a snap its a realism, odd how since if you’ll take it into consideration, one is life-long and the other is just ephemeral. Question: Are you born with it? Is there such a relationship-repelling-soul? And how would you know or gauge that you are that person? I know lot of couples, be it straight or gay battles a lot of issues, fight here, dustup there, I mean endless. I know for a fact they’re happy but scarring-wise haven’t figured out what is it that makes them stay and linger for good. I know some that only stages a flaunt of what seems to be a unique union but deep inside, hatred and fury entails the wedlock. I believe it smells bitterness up there but what can I do, been there and done it so far, counting all of them as blessings makes me curse the hell out of me.

I know am a drama queen, a charmed one and bitch molded into one, who would have ever guessed am a hopeless romantic….. but isn’t all of us? In more ways than one, we’re similar. Yet why does it still sting when unwrapped? Truth what they say that reality bites and snaps! Funny how qoutes try to dissemble out what you feel. It incurs you real hard. Many of us just shrugs but in corporealty it austerely injures us.

Nowadays, is it a crime to be such a hopeless romantic? In a gayman’s world is the only important essence of being a queer is getting laid and fucked? Intellectual aside, we know that the queendom is full of talented and gifted causal agent.

Cheers to getting laid!