The Beyond-See (Beyonce) Experience

So tiring.

Whew!

I never thought of that when I was doing it on a daily basis though. It figures, am I getting old already and my nerves are not coping up with me? 

Well, to start with, we had this office affair, black masquerade and all. Name it, glamour, pulchritude, posse, seduction, and sophistication to sept a few. Dating back history early 15th century, in celebration of the Venetian Carnival, involving music, dance, singing and acting. Nowadays it has been so elaborate and fabulous integrating intricate masks, colorful feathers and gorgeous ballgowns. Concealment is the name of the game in which you need to guess who is behind the maschera.

And as we celebrated “Our Dark Side” I promised my friends to show them my dark side, yep I had a separate life and that was before “maturity et al”. Well, that’s what am labelling it for as I have come to age about being youthful and celebrating it and expressing what and who you really are and wants to be. I guess that was 4 years ago, being in a cocoon for so long made me realise its not only a butterfly that is in there but also a soul dying for release and freedom. Heck! That was so long ago that I have already chosen and taken the path I am now accustomed and comfortable living to. And to stir things off, I performed together with 12 other talented individuals. In a suit, sexy, revealing and oh-so-hot! Just imagine me, a week ago donning a goatee and beard and then the next in a make-up fully done, dressed from top to toe. Picture Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen creations, not that exact, a bit mussy on the edges but the execution? Bam! Picture perfect!

Cliché? Hmm, not really! It’s just for fun and not for good. I missed it, yes. But not really into plunging with it again. You can say it’s just satisfying the crave or the thirst.

Conceptualizing it, was oh so easy. Planning was a bit messy. And execution was a bit gruesome, hell yeah! I can never imagined that I have been doing this everyday before. Yep! You heard it right! This was my daily routine before going to work, it was like everyday was a party and a “big opening night”. Hair, dress, accessories, name it and especially the shoes, carefully selected, matched and sometimes just to create a havoc or two defies fashion and rebels from time to time becoming a fashion disater. I was the Carrie Bradshaw of Burgundy! And I was happy, very happy. Being it all.

As the hardest part of all? Money! Yes, moolah! All boils down to the expenses. From haircare to accessories, to maintanance and testings, to product miscibility, takes a lot of toll, really! I can only envisage. How in the world was I able to maintain that prestige?

Right now? I can only imagine. Believe moi!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=263557650259&set=vb.688905259&type=3&theater

Gay Straight Men vs Straight Gay Men

During one of the marathons of Sex and the City with Carrie Bradshaw, I can’t stop thinking how is it possible? But I guess it is. Have we cropped already and they are in the midst of us? How is it possible?

Gay straight men. Defined as men that has an enhanced feminine side of personality, the sensibility of a woman in the mirage of a man, with the eloquence and grace of a femme in the muscles and physique of an Adonis while the other is a truly developed and a personality that has truly embraced the fuchsia and the velvet hues, how would I not know, am one of the legionary.

Now that’s been cleared up, it’s so hard to visualize how can it happen or better yet how can that develop? Not that it’s impossible as I have come to realize that in this day and age, everything is perfectly possible, from human cloning to advanced gadgetry, name it and you’ll have a patent on it already. Yep! All true, not just the usual crap. No need to dissect the straight gaymen, am a living example and a lot others I know. So let’s focus more on gay straight men, odd and peculiar in ways more than one, actually this is the first time that I have pondered on the thought not that it’s a in a million

With all Gucci, Balenciaga and Dior in front of us, flaunting the very fashion that every men should be wearing nowadays, locally thanks to Folded and Hung, Bench and Topman that introduced the runway mode of dressing. Is it Martha Stewart or Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum? But whatever the reasons are, it’s conglomerating like a pandemic. Are we evolving or simply devolving? But exponentially, come to think of it, hasn’t it been the mode of todays generation? Maybe it’s evolution or maybe just a trend. Personally I won’t shell on the trend, it goes in and out and in some other ways they fade but evolution on the other hand grows and simply stays, sometimes its for good that even attracts others as well.

I guess it is a choice, an option to make when things are already in front of us, when we figured who we really are. But with all the phase we’ve grown to, I can’t seem to fathom how in the world did that mesh up?

So tiring and confusing.

Who are you?

A question quite intriguing even to the most learnt man. You may never know a person unless he reveals who he really is. He can portray a different persona but acts differently in more ways than one. Yeah you may say a bipolar or even schizophrenia but whatever tag it is it would still be the assonant as the psychosis may be the same and dangerous in some peculiar ways. Could we take it against them? I mean if it would be absolution who are we calling straight or gay nowadays? According to the Bible, we are created equally in His image and likeness but just a thought, does He think the way we do now? I don’t think so! It would be so irreverent to get into a gaymans mind. Ha! Don’t even dare to scan my thoughts, lazar!

Who is straight and who is not. Who is gay and who is not. Damn if we all know what tag to use and what not to.

why, oh! why?

Here I go again slurred and so detested, does it always have to pattern? Previously I have pacified a thought that it never would happen as Carrie Bradshaw experienced on a relationship she’s been with Big, Do you really have to fall into some iconic resolution of what should be guided on a person to love with? Pretty lame if you’ll tell me BUT my guess caught up to me and now I have realized it does pattern and definitely after three consecutive feeling-blurt, there really is a pattern. 

Plenty of thoughts are rummaging me down, don’t really know where to start, first am bugged if and only if there should be a pattern in which there is, could we fight it over? I mean get over it? The idealization tends you to iconize a person and reflect it with the one you’re supposed to like in the present and accordingly the one in the future too. Yet past-rewinding all that has happened am I the one to be blamed for? Or the person that comes after the first one is the fugitive? Intuitively is that built on your psyche to typecast?

Am all bugged and really don’t know how to apprehend the comprehension of what really life is offering me, am I to accept the fact that there is no future for me when tune goes to the matters of the heart, fact: I have a career-based stability, am all geared to face all consequences that comes my way and bring me anywhere definitely I’ll strike everywhere yet why a simple/single theme such as falling in love and grabbing a relationship am all tied and winded up and as always a failure. Should I just give up looking for one? Coz it’s like hurting yourself one way or the other, others say at least you have tried and experienced what it’s like than to never have felt it at all, sure true thing but coming out tarnished, hurt and blemished after that relationship, not mention the petty fights and arguments along the way, resoluble, yes! But still marks a denture to oneself, if I may ask isn’t it a torture?