SUPPORT THE FREEDOM TO LOVE: 18 JUNE 2011

We have the right and the freedom,

we are not different just diverse of how you think and do.

It does not happen overnight. Make a statement.

Singapore already asked for support.

Hopefully Philippines will follow through.

Do you have friends and family members who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender? What does it mean to support their freedom to love? What does this support symbolise, and what can it translate to? Watch this video to find out.

Visit http://pinkdot.sg

I think of falling in love

Is there such a thought?

Me on my part, I guess yes. Thinking of the pros and cons makes me wonder. The what-if’s and the maybe’s, you can’t blame me, am a Leo for crying out loud. I make things complicated than they already are and over-analysis is my thrust and I propel o’er it.

Have I declared defeat and submission? I really don’t know. I wanna ask but it detriments me from doing so. He’s very towering, physically and emotionally, stable in means of everything. I maybe just one of the bumps he collides with in his lifetime journey. But I guess one thing that I can be more thankful of is the respect and the knowledge that he shares with me. Condescendingly, is there a possibility? Sure thing there are two sides of the equation but would I like the answers on both? Relatively I can only hope and dream. He lives by the saying “Together nothing is impossible”, hopeless romantic? In what is vibed, he is more stable than what you think he is.

Here I go again. Puzzled, bugged and adamant. I’ve been here before, I know the outcome, would I still risk the milestones? My friend tells me, yes, as it is worth your while and a merit trying for but personally I don’t wanna cry anymore, been there, done that and it really is painful. Journeys are about learning and having fun and making the most out of it. I wanna juggle with it, roll with it but my mind is hesitant and constraint about the fact. My heart says green for the intersection but my mind declares red. I am gay and fickle-minded, redundant I suppose huh? But what will I do? I don’t wanna think no more as it ruins every moment.

I wanna live life as it springs but I don’t wanna loose sight of the future, all of which are on my very own hands. The only problem is which one goes first? Left or to the right? Transverse as it is, as complicated as it is the fact that I’m aging and nothing is happening what I expected for it to ravel, should I let go and embrace the clangor? Very torn and messed up by faulty decisions in my lifetime but isn’t it what life is all about learning and improving? Should I rummage more thoughts, apply what-if’s, be the connoisseur of questions unanswered and just sit and mock? I really don’t know! I am tired! If this is just one of those phase that you get to telltale, why not? It’s worth a jitter but am not prepared to fall and get hurt again! My mind says no but my hearts says go!

What will I do?

I wanna let loose and let hesitations adrift yet half of me syllabicates disaster with a capital D in it, am afraid to face the winds but something whirls deep inside me and spells FUN in big, black and bold. Should I gamble? Or should I partition myself first? How? And is it possible? Am parking my pen but I still have hundredfold of questions hurling around my skull, thinking aches! I hate it!

in my life

Others said its going to be a lousy depiction of a gay life since it was written and directed by a straight, some said it would be bias since Filipinos have not yet embraced the western culture of a gay man’s life. And a friend told me, would be just one of those movies that would lure and mitigate a false pretense to us gays who may have suffered life, got hurt, badly broken yet learned to get up and fight for what he have. But who would know really? You? Me?

Out of curiosity, I watched In My Life,thinking why not, right? I could be the judge of my own understanding. Typical movie, city life, family feuds and drama, intoxicating workloads, pressure from both sides of the conflict. Well, I said typical, right?

What got me most was not the love story but how family tends to just focus on what a person can be but not how he was made to be that way. You may just be son or a daughter but I guess it was true that your parents don’t own you. You have a life of your own, you make the most out of it, you endure life’s unpredictability and come to your own terms. They may have brought life to you but sometimes they don’t really know who you are. Speaking for my own, yeah pretty much they only see what they want to see and what they tell you to be. I guess for most of us, would be perfectly happy having and living on their own. Nobody to answer to, nobody clinging to and no one to answer to but your self, aside from living a lonely life, which I dread and maybe you too, sums up everything what life is all about being who you are and who you can be. It may not be a perfect one but the satisfaction and fulfillment is there, although you’re empty and alone, at least you established and made a stand all on your own.

I know. I can very much relate to it.

It made me think, Noel was right, the world doesn’t just revolve around you, it may freeze for a moment, it may crash for all we know and may burn you to its core but we have to accept that aside from us there are a lot, billion perhaps out there, struggling, crusading for themselves and extant to the fact that it may be now or never.

If you’ll allow me to bitch for a moment, didn’t really like the love story, it was like a facade, for me nothing that sweet can be so true, cynical? Yes! I’ve already given up on relationships, promises broken, hearts torn and endless fights, cruel I guess but its mostly what I have experienced. I admit I enjoyed the fun and laughter, fat humor and incredibly nice conversations, but that’s just it. Maybe its just me yet looking at my friends, do and end up the same, makes us even, strong and a person all in all. Don’t get me wrong, am happy for all the couples that prevailed wear and tear but I guess not all us are meant to be in a relationship. I for one is a foe.

The sad part was, life is unfair. When all was good and okay, recuperating and getting well, relationship being rebuilt and bonding was at hand. Bam! It just happened. Death trailed along. Instead of bringing them together they stagnated and faltered. Cruel but I guess that’s how life is, a traitor and unfair. That I have come to expect and accept. With a smirk on my face and misanthropic smile, yes life is very unfair. Bitter as I am with who and what I have, am always thankful to Him that even with life’s uncertainties He’s there, guiding and allowing me to grow on my own, finding faults along the way, and getting back to my feet when adversaries hit me on the face to the ground.

Gay Straight Men vs Straight Gay Men

During one of the marathons of Sex and the City with Carrie Bradshaw, I can’t stop thinking how is it possible? But I guess it is. Have we cropped already and they are in the midst of us? How is it possible?

Gay straight men. Defined as men that has an enhanced feminine side of personality, the sensibility of a woman in the mirage of a man, with the eloquence and grace of a femme in the muscles and physique of an Adonis while the other is a truly developed and a personality that has truly embraced the fuchsia and the velvet hues, how would I not know, am one of the legionary.

Now that’s been cleared up, it’s so hard to visualize how can it happen or better yet how can that develop? Not that it’s impossible as I have come to realize that in this day and age, everything is perfectly possible, from human cloning to advanced gadgetry, name it and you’ll have a patent on it already. Yep! All true, not just the usual crap. No need to dissect the straight gaymen, am a living example and a lot others I know. So let’s focus more on gay straight men, odd and peculiar in ways more than one, actually this is the first time that I have pondered on the thought not that it’s a in a million

With all Gucci, Balenciaga and Dior in front of us, flaunting the very fashion that every men should be wearing nowadays, locally thanks to Folded and Hung, Bench and Topman that introduced the runway mode of dressing. Is it Martha Stewart or Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum? But whatever the reasons are, it’s conglomerating like a pandemic. Are we evolving or simply devolving? But exponentially, come to think of it, hasn’t it been the mode of todays generation? Maybe it’s evolution or maybe just a trend. Personally I won’t shell on the trend, it goes in and out and in some other ways they fade but evolution on the other hand grows and simply stays, sometimes its for good that even attracts others as well.

I guess it is a choice, an option to make when things are already in front of us, when we figured who we really are. But with all the phase we’ve grown to, I can’t seem to fathom how in the world did that mesh up?

So tiring and confusing.

Who are you?

A question quite intriguing even to the most learnt man. You may never know a person unless he reveals who he really is. He can portray a different persona but acts differently in more ways than one. Yeah you may say a bipolar or even schizophrenia but whatever tag it is it would still be the assonant as the psychosis may be the same and dangerous in some peculiar ways. Could we take it against them? I mean if it would be absolution who are we calling straight or gay nowadays? According to the Bible, we are created equally in His image and likeness but just a thought, does He think the way we do now? I don’t think so! It would be so irreverent to get into a gaymans mind. Ha! Don’t even dare to scan my thoughts, lazar!

Who is straight and who is not. Who is gay and who is not. Damn if we all know what tag to use and what not to.

Blame it on the weatherman / September 12, 2009

I am thick faced 

I am thick skinned 

I am gay

but

I am NOT a thief and a liar

and

I have a pink blood

but

I am not a mudblood

That’s what they’re blaming me for.
Without even a substantial proof. They just pointed at whoever they like and whatever they think. Just like that!

Funny how life goes, right? You making your own small little way and at the end of the day you would still be the one to blame? Absurd as it is, well a low-life is still a low-life eventhough how much jewels and Ninoys you have. Lucky am not, breeding and all that. I have class and sass, I point and shoot just like a digital camera with ease and finesse. Like what I’ve said, you could have all the cash in the world but you can’t buy class in so many words.

I’ve had my bad moments in the past, and am truly ashamed for some of it. Well, younger years are full of risk-free or worry-free moments, defying all rules and edict just to follow your hearts desires. But maturing and coming of age is part of growing up. It is not advisable to stick to those years, retardation might be on your veins if you do that! You don’t get to stay on a 12 year old brain if you’re already 26 years of age.

True to my words, I work hard for the money I spend. Am living with my mantra, I will work hard and party even harder. That’s me care-free but not a troubled thief. I know somebody who is, but am keeping my mouth shut! I’m a believer of karma, it goes around and definitely comes around. That I can attest. I’ll just wait for karma to reciprocate for me. They can run but never really get to hide. It catches up everytime.

Few last words: BAKLA man akong naturingan, OO , makapal mukha ko pero hindi matigas and maitim ang budhi ko…..

not like the ones I particularly know…….

am i too gay to function?

it may be the case but i don’t think so. am living the life i’ve always wanted, piquant lifestyle yet nonetheless happy. doesn’t it always invariably boils down to the happiness you obtain? or what matters is the estimate of the one you have? queer as i maybe but all things in my life are already plunked, boundaries and limits are there, yes a thing or two, juggle and stumble i can do coz that’s me picky! i work hard and party even harder, murder as it may seem for my self esteem but that’s how am trained and groomed. i manage myself as distinct as i can but affirms never to trample anybody’s fate, i densely credence that each individual has his own; way of thinking, expressing, adapting and interacting: i repute to that but i will whirr all i hank.

i guess not! am fairly unostentatious! serviceable as lathe machine! i have my working cogs codified! but why this emptiness? am i seeking what is cloaked? satiating the fact that not all things in life can be scoped and grasped. most of the times am in a wonder if my ruminations are still fathomable. reality bites, i know, but am not customizing the absurdity.

am happy i am gay and loving it to the core. the pulchritude of being queer is that, you have the essence; to cheer, to emulsify beauty from its existence, to mellow dissension, reach out to squandered soul and one update to that is transmogrifying metrosexuals having a havoc of their existence. hahaha! that i got from a friend of mine, truth be told, there are a lot of personality and behavior we have in this existence and some other are yet to be reconnoitered. maybe it’s a choice i’ve made but i have no qualms and dubiousness over the matter. i love me being me. am not one of the conundrums, they impose a very flamboyant lifestyle, ostentatious cogency and elaborate countenance but i don’t guarantee genuine personages behind! mask? yes! definitely, most gays i know have propensity to become such, but those aren’t my kind of proletariat. i may go my own way but its always on the nail, i may do several deputes but i make sure its pristine. genes and all that but am not conveyed to be who i am not!

vague yet prominent, don’t you think? maybe it’s how you perceive things, personally, life is what you make the most out of it. controlling your life ain’t a burden from GOD above, if you see it in a different level, actually is an unraveled gift.