Lost: wandering soul unattended

Do I really need a soul searching medley? In what tune would I dance the night away?

I haven’t been the same since I joined the haystack of the banal, sinner and the judged. Right now being here at this crossroad, I never seem to reach a conclusion, is it just me or I tend to stay away from what I am. I am tired but is it just my way of thinking that makes me nerve-wrecked every single time?

My work is doing the finest it can ever be, in fact I excel, in most prominent ways I can, redeeming myself has never been this good, the fact that I am helping, I am also learning. Was this am supposed to do and be? Career-wise am on track, I can manage. I can devour what I want. Tricks I can manage, control and plan for, as they are tangible and has fixed outcomes, if they go haywire there are a lot of back ups you can grab and alleviate the missing parts.

Physically am withstanding but I haven’t had the time to be checked by professionals yet I want to. A need to tone and maintain is all I need. I can’t complain of the physical assets dear Lord has bestowed upon me, thankful that I am what I am. There are flaws here and there, they can’t be just non-sense as they partake half of me being human. As Tyra Banks always says, not all of your feature is perfect but it’s your job to conceal it make them believe you are. Dealing with the criticism I have come to be on track. Maybe some clear and daunted marks here and there but they are tacky-toast only, they’ll go at some point in time. Bear with it or deal with it, it’s me, other people can’t change it, so am I. So why not love it. Leave or stay. That’s me. And will stand by that.


Oh enough about me!

Ego anyone?

Gay Straight Men vs Straight Gay Men

During one of the marathons of Sex and the City with Carrie Bradshaw, I can’t stop thinking how is it possible? But I guess it is. Have we cropped already and they are in the midst of us? How is it possible?

Gay straight men. Defined as men that has an enhanced feminine side of personality, the sensibility of a woman in the mirage of a man, with the eloquence and grace of a femme in the muscles and physique of an Adonis while the other is a truly developed and a personality that has truly embraced the fuchsia and the velvet hues, how would I not know, am one of the legionary.

Now that’s been cleared up, it’s so hard to visualize how can it happen or better yet how can that develop? Not that it’s impossible as I have come to realize that in this day and age, everything is perfectly possible, from human cloning to advanced gadgetry, name it and you’ll have a patent on it already. Yep! All true, not just the usual crap. No need to dissect the straight gaymen, am a living example and a lot others I know. So let’s focus more on gay straight men, odd and peculiar in ways more than one, actually this is the first time that I have pondered on the thought not that it’s a in a million

With all Gucci, Balenciaga and Dior in front of us, flaunting the very fashion that every men should be wearing nowadays, locally thanks to Folded and Hung, Bench and Topman that introduced the runway mode of dressing. Is it Martha Stewart or Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum? But whatever the reasons are, it’s conglomerating like a pandemic. Are we evolving or simply devolving? But exponentially, come to think of it, hasn’t it been the mode of todays generation? Maybe it’s evolution or maybe just a trend. Personally I won’t shell on the trend, it goes in and out and in some other ways they fade but evolution on the other hand grows and simply stays, sometimes its for good that even attracts others as well.

I guess it is a choice, an option to make when things are already in front of us, when we figured who we really are. But with all the phase we’ve grown to, I can’t seem to fathom how in the world did that mesh up?

So tiring and confusing.

Who are you?

A question quite intriguing even to the most learnt man. You may never know a person unless he reveals who he really is. He can portray a different persona but acts differently in more ways than one. Yeah you may say a bipolar or even schizophrenia but whatever tag it is it would still be the assonant as the psychosis may be the same and dangerous in some peculiar ways. Could we take it against them? I mean if it would be absolution who are we calling straight or gay nowadays? According to the Bible, we are created equally in His image and likeness but just a thought, does He think the way we do now? I don’t think so! It would be so irreverent to get into a gaymans mind. Ha! Don’t even dare to scan my thoughts, lazar!

Who is straight and who is not. Who is gay and who is not. Damn if we all know what tag to use and what not to.

Obsessions / July 11, 2009

For me, the things in life are just temporary. It comes and goes even without you noticing it. It just happens. In my world(what? I have my own world, you do your own!) Looks can be very deceiving and is one of the judging factors of hooking up, may it be a booty call or lifelong partnership, one might think of false pretences that it conjures, not that I’m against it but should it be the basis of it all? Come to think of it, what will others do? I mean the mere incapacitated individuals, okay fine! Let’s be true and drop euphemisms. The UGLY ones.

Why are we so obsessed with looks? 

Not that am separating us queers from straights but as I have delved into realization and with just straightforward observation, it is a must to be beautiful, right? For us gays, it’s a crime to be ugly. Oh no! Please stop me!(so now am decrementing and am the bad gay guy?) That’s what you think. I may even be the simpler bitch version compared to my friends who makes everything beautiful sacred and if you’re out of the league then better be off, they skin people alive. Their calendar year comprises mostly of partying, tête-à-têtes, by the way it includes booze and poppers. But I mean it’s their scene. So they go with the flow. It’s like a pandemic about to surge if you’re that ugly. Mmm. Yeah, That’s about it. But aren’t we supposed to love our own? Just like racism, since we are on the same wavelength, why not spread love not animosity, right? It’s not everyday that we get to materialize love in such peculiar way. Yet as we grow and mature, case is we part and never get to it. Sad and condescending apparently it’s the zenith.

Going back to a mental state, really, WHY?

Personally, I know am guilty and am sorry yet am not, coz it’s not my fault. Am born vain and am proud to say that I can maintain it. I may not have a killer look but am not a deceiver and what you see is what you get. Not like some people I know who will run great lengths just to antagonize and in return karma charms back to them. Well that’s life and if it ain’t broken why fix it, right? Let it be. I’m an avid voyeur (yeah, right!)  But am not a stalker, I have my own set of problems already and adding insult to injury is not one of the things I love doing to myself. My past time is browsing social networking sites and vanity pages (but not a frequent flyer! It’s different! Very different! ) well you can exhume them one by one since its free and available for viewing and one thing in common will get your attention: modifications and alterations just like those hand me down garments I used to manipulate and convert to stylish clothing I donned before. Is it common nowadays? I mean technology has it. But shall we follow next? Upgrade after upgrade, versions after versions and then what’s next? Well tomorrow is a mystery to be foretold, right?

Amazing how the digital world doubled the parody of the iron masks. Modifying the truth has never been this rampant and obvious. Well thanks to Photoshop and Publisher or rather Bill Gates for that. I mean all of us have flaws; it is how you project your flaws that make you beautiful. Mama Tyra did say that, coz I want to be on top (not that it matter)! But altering them? I think its different viewpoint all in all. Hiding is okay but has its limitations but a package so untrue is deceitful and mean, I maybe of yesterday but am not of the past. I know that change is inevitable but not to the extreme. You can do it on a TV show to gain ratings and points but not in real life. You can be happy as you are, without imposing any personality at all, for one, I am, and others I know too. A facade will always be a facade any way you treat and the more you fund it, the more you become a pseudo. It won’t change the fact. Time will come that it will hunt you down.

Just on my thought bubble, do you really need a trophy boyfriend?

Well I mean yeah! Who doesn’t? I’ll be a hypocrite if I say no. One, it’s a given, face value, would you rather wake up early morning with a rotten egg in front of you or a breathe of fresh air minty as it is, seeing him there, laying by your side, so dreamy, so cuddly and soft but hard on the inside(stress on the HARD)? Wonderfully scenic, right? Or better yet deliciously scenic, yum! You choose or need I say more? Yet there are intricacies and fallouts on that wishbone, some will agree and some won’t that many of them are just airheads, face and all that but does not make sense at all, even having a hard time stepping up or carrying a conversation, for short male bimbos. Excuse my French but it’s true. I know some, pun unintended. God is so fair. I really love him. Not that am cursing ugly people out it’s just that in anyway you put it. Nothing would simplify that. In my case that is!