The Beyond-See (Beyonce) Experience

So tiring.

Whew!

I never thought of that when I was doing it on a daily basis though. It figures, am I getting old already and my nerves are not coping up with me? 

Well, to start with, we had this office affair, black masquerade and all. Name it, glamour, pulchritude, posse, seduction, and sophistication to sept a few. Dating back history early 15th century, in celebration of the Venetian Carnival, involving music, dance, singing and acting. Nowadays it has been so elaborate and fabulous integrating intricate masks, colorful feathers and gorgeous ballgowns. Concealment is the name of the game in which you need to guess who is behind the maschera.

And as we celebrated “Our Dark Side” I promised my friends to show them my dark side, yep I had a separate life and that was before “maturity et al”. Well, that’s what am labelling it for as I have come to age about being youthful and celebrating it and expressing what and who you really are and wants to be. I guess that was 4 years ago, being in a cocoon for so long made me realise its not only a butterfly that is in there but also a soul dying for release and freedom. Heck! That was so long ago that I have already chosen and taken the path I am now accustomed and comfortable living to. And to stir things off, I performed together with 12 other talented individuals. In a suit, sexy, revealing and oh-so-hot! Just imagine me, a week ago donning a goatee and beard and then the next in a make-up fully done, dressed from top to toe. Picture Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen creations, not that exact, a bit mussy on the edges but the execution? Bam! Picture perfect!

Cliché? Hmm, not really! It’s just for fun and not for good. I missed it, yes. But not really into plunging with it again. You can say it’s just satisfying the crave or the thirst.

Conceptualizing it, was oh so easy. Planning was a bit messy. And execution was a bit gruesome, hell yeah! I can never imagined that I have been doing this everyday before. Yep! You heard it right! This was my daily routine before going to work, it was like everyday was a party and a “big opening night”. Hair, dress, accessories, name it and especially the shoes, carefully selected, matched and sometimes just to create a havoc or two defies fashion and rebels from time to time becoming a fashion disater. I was the Carrie Bradshaw of Burgundy! And I was happy, very happy. Being it all.

As the hardest part of all? Money! Yes, moolah! All boils down to the expenses. From haircare to accessories, to maintanance and testings, to product miscibility, takes a lot of toll, really! I can only envisage. How in the world was I able to maintain that prestige?

Right now? I can only imagine. Believe moi!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=263557650259&set=vb.688905259&type=3&theater

Beauty and the Beast

He ran!

Am I that hideous? Why did he have to do that? Is running away the best medicine?

I really don't know? I don't wanna think. It hurts me so bad, knowing that he was there and running afterwards? What better explanation there is than he is somewhat afraid of me. What in the world did I do? I gave him all the best I can be, took care of what he has and showed that I cared. Isn't that enough? Maybe it's not for him. Did I scare him off? I blame myself for being so open. I shouldn't have let my heart be on my sleeves. Now look at me, I am a slaughtered hard headed ass thinking what would be. See the beauty and its madness rolled into one big agony.

What would be?

Should I have been reserved? A one time fuck that took me over. Cliché as it is, its not what I have in mind. I cared. Got hurt and supposedly got back up but why is it hard to do. Been here, done it and let go but why is this feeling so captured in my heart I just can't let go? Am I reaching for heaven or just a dream I longed for in my heart? Did I imagine it too hard? Or did I ask the wrong set of questions?

Don't go!

Please don't go! This is the second time I cried for a miserable soul. First wheh he missed his promise, it took me down a week or so. And now again and again, he still lingers in my mind, do I need to beg? Is talking a very hard thing to do nowadays? Why is my world crumbling down? Do I deserve this? I guess I do? But this hard and excruciating? What have I done to deserve this?

Damn! All questions not even an answer? Do I need to give up?

I know I will be alright. But up until when? I'm so tired, am just not sure how much do I need to stress the tiredness I have in every blog that I post. I AM TIRED! Break-up after break-up, mending broken pieces after each shattering, scarred, stressed and torn in half as always. How will I stress the tiredness I have in a lifetime? A gazillion?

Vanity Fair

People really judge you of what they see of you. 

Tsk, tsk, tsk! 

Odd I guess, but how can you blame a centuries old of knowing a person by the way you look, smell and taste? Peculiar yet that’s how it’s characterized and dealt with. Fascinating how an attitude and character multitudes how you perceive a person, nowadays folks doesn’t even try to know you before they utter an interpretation of you, they simply give you a look, nod even, then that’s that and they’ll give you a summary of what they know of you based on what illusion they see of you! Huh! Dumb you’ll say who’ll be doing that? Many is at pleasure doing those, God, how constrict-minded people think! Just imagine, but that goes and flows of what society has deemed the way it should have been!

In a world I strut in, the first thing they’ll notice of you, is how damn you look, either disturbing or plane-Jane if both doesn’t please them, query always pops-in. It has always been the game, dress to please as they say, it even spells out who you are at the moment you exude grace and poise but have they really dug the personality of what makes a person’s totality?

I guess, NEVER!

But hey, they already know you even before you speak, right? So who cares!