THANK YOU.....

more than words....

more than appreciation....

more than friendship...

more than family.....

Coming to work became more than all of those....

With you there and the Argonauts on the side....

I can never thank you enough....

from the petty jokes, to the most reaffirming wisdom and to your personal insights....

I will never say goodbye....

But its just so sad to see one of the beautiful people both inside and out go....

Yet immeasurable as you have become....

Wishing for your growth more than everything else....

See you around dear Ryan....

nahiunuban

(getting caught up)

It was like Cinderella running for her life at the strike of 12! Heels on the right, ball gown trail on her left. I pretty much know the feeling. LoL  :)

But this is different. Why?

Cinderella is just a euphimism!

Last year at the ding of midnight I was infront of a bottle of alcohol.
Celebrating. It was New Year and having fun. Never have I thought that whole year round imma be infront of an alcohol celebrating and always enjoying! How about that?

love game

I think of you
while you think of her
cliche, right?
but i learned to manage.


I love you
and you love her
then you play with two others too
way too convenient, see?


So all i can do
is watch the sequel and the prequel
of this love game that we're caught in.

yun yata ang problema sa akin!

i demand
i require

yun yata ang problema sa akin!

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
na magkasama tayo lagi-
yung may casual conversation-
yung may biruan-
konting flirt dito, a bit of manyak doon-
di ba dapat masaya na ako?

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
na magkatext tayo every once in a while-
kumustahan minsan-
mga forwarded messages-
kulitan sa GM-
yung simpleng constant communication-
di ba dapat masaya na ako?

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
pero hindi eh-
may kulang-
parang puwang na di mafill-up kahit anong gawin-
matabang-
parang dull moment lagi or dead air-

di ba dapat masaya na ako?
hindi talaga eh

happiness

a cliche? a word of mouth or an overrated remark?

hard to tell.
I am bitter, wallowing and in a sour mood to eat what that word means.
hoax if you ask me right now.
just a state of mind, that's it!
nothing more, nothing less.

things are not quite like before.
air a bit heavy, smiles are just on the face not reaching the heart and mind.
burdened? yes!
bothered? yes!
insecured? yes!
I guess all of the questions are answerable by yes these days!
categorically? yes!

digital!
they say everything already is!
camera prints, mails, internet connections even nails.
add karma and a pinch of hocus-pocus, viola! Voodoo!
instant!
digital!
that and everything else is all I want. karma!
I want it now. I want it good!

when can I reach the zenith?
finality!
relationship one after the other!
fling over another fling!
one-night-stand after another!
nada!
futile!
not even a nanosecond helped!
hopeless!

now I grieve.
now I cry.

hoping tomorrow brings another dew!
to fill my cup with an overflow!

I can blog about it

It has been a while, a very long while if I may add that I have poured out my soul and thought in words!
Blame it on Twitter- who micro-sects my thoughts, voicing shoutouts to the world to hear and see not noticing the importance of stressing a paragraph. The purest form of expression.

Well am back for good. It was quite a hiatus to what am accustomed to. Quite a while as well since the heartbreak and destruction was self inflicted, waking up from the ashes was just unbearable and very heavy. Yet all good things come to end- true on my part. It ended. Bad. Real bad.

We met way back June 2011. I was a mentor and Pat was my mentee.
He was a seeker- for attention, for priority and even validation as what I have assesed. Hungry even for
commendation and praise.

It all started with Facebook- I added him, him adding back.
Email was the culprit- the exchange of thoughts and whereabouts were boundless and very open. Then there were greetings that became conversation and eventually became a habit. The greets became daily and then transformed into hourly jokes and got developed into sweet-nothings and blahs.

Our common ground was BEER and ALCOHOL.

We shared the same love for drinking. We became beer-friends. After work. Before work. And even in between work. I was the mentor and Pat was my mentee.

Funny how it all synched and sinked. The partnership was mutual I guess- he was for my fund and me for his camp.

The laughter, the thrill and the company was exhilarating and exciting. His visage was like Helen- it launched a thousand ships and in my case raised a thousand brows! He was swell with it. He said, as long as we both know the real score, to hell with hale! I said, okay! And that was over a bucket of beer!

He had a friend- a very dear and close friend. That promised him the world and the universe(read: forever
friendship). That did not happen. Secret feelings does not really work well with forever-friend-setup-thingy!

Been there! Done that! Passe as it is on my thesaurus.

Me and my big mouth: "I would never do such a thing. I will be your friend till the very end." And that was over a bucket of beer!

As the friendship became strong, so as the feelings. Stronger. The confession came. Rejection followed. I persisted. He conceded.

The ride was a rollercoaster. There were ups and mostly downs. There were concealed loops and overtured jumps. Certain halts here and there. Unfortunately collision was enivitable on mine.

Time and space collided. Days turned into nights. Six months have passed. Bucketful of beers and bucketful of tears. Now am trying to mend a broken heart and fix a broken sonnet. Though I did not get my happy ending but still I can blog about it!

my awakening.....

being USED.....

by TWO people at the same time....

is that all am good at?

being used and be taken for granted.....

defying twitter urge.....

9-21

good thing my agents are keeping me busy whole 9 hours long- I don't have to think!

what would be a good action to say am sorry- a friend told saying sorry is so overrated and conventional, they always go to waste!

after this shift- imma think again! what to do?

it's eating me.... I wanna say my apologies but today is "legal wife's" day. Do I still have his friendship when he comes back?

I have regrets what I did last Sunday- the party ended because of me! The crowd and the fun died down because of my prerogatives-gone-bad!

I am a certified bitch and a drama-Queen

I am still holding back onto my Twitter urges.... I want to post but I need to suppress!

defying twitter urge.....

here is my 2-cents.....
9-20

2nd day for my Jacksonville- I remember when it was with my Diamond! Wagas ang HELP!

BINGE mode!

defying twitter urge.....

here is my 2-cents.....
9-19




I got played on my own game.


so utang na loob ko pa ang maging friend mo-


I already settled myself as a beer-friend.... thinking honesty would be our policy! You lied!


sana di na kita makita- I know di sadya ang omission of details but it should have been the case. Kasalanan ko din yata I did not ask.


pangalawang beses na kitang dinelete sa buhay ko- sana last na toh!


I am not okay! I want to ask questions but just can't!


BEER-friends!

my MUSE

I should be inspired right now but am not!
I should be thinking clearly but all my thoughts are rummaging in fact!
I should be able to incorporate all dire emotions but all I do is stare blankly on the white page in front of me!
I should feel the flow of creativity but no vivacious urge triggers my deepest essence.


WHY?


What is wrong? Is it me or not?
I am stuck!

my STARFISH

some says he's GAY
some said HE ISN'T


He said NO.


some said HE'S too YOUNG
some says AGE does not really MATTER


He said HE'S MATURE enough to handle himself well.


some argued HE'S too SKINNY
some said HE'S just LANKY and eventually grow out of it!


HE said with his TONED ABS and BICEPS who needs to buff.


some pointed HE'S SHORT
some says HIS height is just right about his age


HE said HIS COUNTENANCE plus WIT and CHARM takes it all in.


I say?


I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

ansakit

I feel the tremble from my feet up to my naple!
i feel cold on my palms!
I have to accept defeat even when I haven't geared my armor up!
I have to face the fact that not every goal is winning!
funny how things work!
funny how things end up!
it hurts to say goodbye, when you haven't said your hello's
it hurts to affirm that the only confirmation you got was a nod
I guess this is it!
I guess that is life!
at least now I know, that when I walk away- we're good friends as can be!
at least now its clear, that milestone in life- needs to be savored while it lasts!

i dunno

will I let myself be happy?
OPEN and HAPPY?


or it would be much better to be resctricted?
SET and RESTRICTED?


OPEN or FIXED?
HAPPY or SET?


I know in the end I will get truly hurt.
At the expense of being happy, is it okay to let go and be in the current situation?


is this gonna be an INEVITABLE HEARTBREAK?

through the rain

Now he's gone and all I can think of are the memories!


After all the rumblings of the waged war. You came to me and asked for help.
No questions asked. I was a friend first and foremost then became a lover and up till the very end stayed in love with you.


I came to the rescue- As you have planned and intended it to be.


You said "I will destroy myself to show the world the innocence I have".
I stopped you.
I concocted all possible evasion and schemes just to divert all your negativities
I even perilled myself to let you know I was there and never letting go.


You have already decided and said "People have been so cruel to you and the time has come for them to know the malign they set on you!"
I drenched myself in tears.
I begged for you to stop.
Alas! You were unstoppable!


Was that still a part of your plan?


I am a midnight owl. A social butterfly by heart. 
If a life's gonna be wasted in attempt. Why not celebrate it with a bang!
No use in stopping a flow if there's not even a leak right?
So we danced and drowned the night away. Hoping that it will change everything.


And it did! This time I am not sure if you have still planned it!


What was that all about? You let me hang on to nothingness and pure fallacy. Fantasy even. 
Yet I guess you're happy now. You made life easy for you and miserable for me.
This is temporary. As inundated with failure as I am. I can and I will make it through the rain.
I hope you find your match- karma comes around, goes around.


ciao!

Ganito kami sa Makati

"Ganito kami sa Makati!"


Makati has been known for that slogan, THANKS to Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay, who lived by the name itself and the markings and makings of a GOOD leader. He was one tough man to break, others just faltered under his feet and he reigned supremacy over other opponents that adversify him from his mayoral seat. 


Makati has been one of the prominent cities in the Metro. I salute how he handled issues here and there- which is normal! As you get to the top, it piles up and explodes but not Mayor Binay, I am all hail and heads-up to him once Makati and his name is in tandem.


Recently, a friend of mine had a business to transact and procure. Real estate of some sort, I did not get into horrid details as it really never is my forte but a juicy came to me elusively about a certain head of the department who is painstakingly asking for "lagay", "suhol", aka "bigay" or "padulas" just to get through with the proceedings. What in the world was that? Of all places? Makati? That I beg to differ and disagree with my friend- not Makati. As in! Not the city to envy. So my friend gave me the blueprint, the plan, the permits, the revisions plus a headache. 


Trauma- this is too much to handle for my brain. Beside the point here, why ruin a glorious name for a couple of bucks and a lifetime of name and status, protected and worked upon with? And not even by VP Binay himself but another individual who was supposed to fulfill his sworn duty.


This may be of a little voice trying to scream yet I will still try. I know it won't be much but I thought under the President Noynoy administration plus the guiding hands of Vice President Binay, how come this elaborate sabotage of the clean slate that this administration perforates is bit by bit becomes an illusion. A promise again? We've been there! Nothing new this time around? 


CORRUPTION
Are we seeing that again?


I know I am in no position to rebuttal or even claim, the establishment isn't mine in the first place but all I want is to rectify this anomalous incident. 


Heads of state be warned and be alarmed. Bees are swarming again.
We are not creating a stir. We are just stirring the coffee.

black pearl

I am still fuckin' hurt, betrayed and fooled!

I was so willing to forget everything!

I mean every bit of falsehood!

To hell with negatives from friends

Be damned with family's advice

I wanted to start from scratch

New.

Just us.

Together.

Forever.

Hoax as you are.

I detest you

I abhorr the day I met you

I hate myself for letting you in my life

I thought you are the greatest gift Lord God above bestowed

My bad I fell for a bad seed, yet again!

a constant reminder of what I did all for LOVE

Broken.

Me, myself and I.

Perfidied.

Shirked.

How can you do this?

Is lying second-nature to you?

Are you happy now?

Have you even thought of me, of the people who cared for you, who took you in when you were out and gave everything?

I loved you

and I cared

took everything bad

and held on to your good

I gave you everything.

I did not expect anything in return.

I did not ask for any truth.

I did not require you to love me back.

I just did what I have to do in half of the commitment I promised

SUPPORT THE FREEDOM TO LOVE: 18 JUNE 2011

We have the right and the freedom,

we are not different just diverse of how you think and do.

It does not happen overnight. Make a statement.

Singapore already asked for support.

Hopefully Philippines will follow through.

Do you have friends and family members who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender? What does it mean to support their freedom to love? What does this support symbolise, and what can it translate to? Watch this video to find out.

Visit http://pinkdot.sg

STATUSes

chat.shoot the breeze
relationship.Mr. Perfect!
busy.Busy
friends.leisure & nightlife
date.Sex and more
away.not at PC
nothing.surprise me
sex.now or later
invisible.when online

STATUSes

Most of the times these are the ones that you usually see in PlanetRomeo or Downelink or Manjam. Odd how diverse they became and how they puckered from the usual cliché-Married/Single status we have before. We may have educed, yes, but up to what extent? We are supposed to be gearing forward, we have reached and transitioned to the 21st century with ease and snap but still the diversity and complexity is somewhat not genuine and specific .

Personally, I don't have qualms over such but if you declare otherwise, that should be what it should be. Not the other way around. I know some. I know some....one. Confused much with this gender-biased toxicity? Dig in.

Chat. So you're here for a tete-a-tete? Nothing to do in a days time? Yeah it figures for bum and lazybones. Get a life! We have 24hrs in a day, mine is so limited I want it to be friggin' 36.

Relationship. This I belong. I know for a fact that I am a cougar hunting for prey, I am a hopeless romantic for chrissakes! I want my happily-ever-after, blame Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, they disseminated the flyers! I know right?

Busy. As the status insists.

Friends. Fucking friends? This I got to agree. Well, everything needs to start from scratch right? You meet and greet, decides to go out sometime, then party all night and if you hit the spot, end up in bed otherwise but if not stays platonic and gets to be the bff- as in forever, convenient for some but others dwell on the what-if's and the maybe's, hey, everybody is entitled to dream right?. That's a long time procedure getting laid but it works for others that are shy type and pedantic, not me!

Date. Here you get to relish both the company, dinner and the boy itself, what else. Romanticism I guess. The gallantry and the aristocracy all rolled into one. This is for the prim and the proper. The Alta sociedad as they say. And as all night would end- in bed getting a head or alone jacking off remembering how sumptuous your date was. What? No release? You'll keep it in? Oh come on!

Away. Obviously.

Nothing. This I find it odd. But I guess this is to avoid complacency and being spontaneous. Adventurous I may add- BDSM, bareback, piss, spanking, orgies or sex in the air. Urgh! Don't get me wrong, I'll stick with briefs and boxers as fetish. Thanks but no thanks.

Sex. Do we need to linger and state the obvious? Top or Bottom. Anal or Oral. You decide.

Invisible. Aaaah. This applies to discreet, in demand and wanted profiles. Too sexy, too gorgeous, too big of a tool and everything TOO MUCH it can't be contained. Hahaha.

Obsession

Obsession

falling in love with LOVE of SIAM

Gan lae gan (OST) - English version

If I said that this song is made for you, would you believe it?
It’s probably not melodious, not affectionate, not beautiful like other songs.
I want you to know that if there’s no love, you can’t write a love song.
But for you, my dear, do you know? I wrote it easily.

You’ve probably heard hundreds and thousands of love songs
that’s probably impressive
but with a similar meaning altogether, but if you listen to this song,
a song that’s written simply for you.
For you to understand the meaning of it, our hearts will then have a connection.

Let it be a song on our pathways that consist only voices of you and me.
Together as long as possible.
As the meaning is told in a poetry that as long as there’s love naturally there’s hope.
Means whenever your love shines through the heart, I have a goal.

There is a lot of facts found in love,
and in the past I used the time for the sake of finding the meaning.
But soon, I’d just know it, whenever you are near me,
That if life’s a rhythm, you are as good as the words that is melodious and touching to the heart.

Let it be a song on our pathways that consist only voices of you and me.
Together as long as possible.
As the meaning is told in a poetry that as long as there’s love naturally there’s hope.
Means whenever your love shines through the heart, I have a goal.

There’s a pathway for us to walk side by side and there are voices of you and me.
There’s a pathway for us to walk side by side and there are voices of you and me.

Ang PEDANTIC at ang WILD

We partied together.
We boozed up, downed a couple cases. Laughed till we dropped and danced the night away, kissed and made love like its 2012! I am the wild side of the card. We do extreme things together. Decide on ostentatious matters, nada thinking of repercussions. I am the wild side of the equation.


The story goes this way:
Late afternoon then, with nothing to do. I fixated a plan that will free us both from deception and bondage. Me thinking wildly, suggested a very friendly tempt with the social lubricant, this is his chaos. Once he pops he doesn't stop. He becomes a butterfly, vibrant, wild and all out. My way of thinking still. A bottle down, nibbles here, there- then became three and four, loosening up a notch, restrictions gone, inhibitions out. We even held hands in front of everybody else. Crazy right? It was. Very crazy indeed.


His bejeweled embraced him.
Asked if he could stop drinking, had much and need to tone down. He is the pedantic side of the card. He hushed him, cuddled him and whispered sweet nothings to him. He is the pedantic side of the equation.


Seeing them together last night, made me realize. Where do I stand? Do I even have a stand to start things with? Funny how I still remember his words. Then, they were genuine and untarnished, now, just rhetoric and palaver! I fell for those words and same as a deadend- no worth in turning back there's no way out. I can dug myself out but it would take a lifetime. 


Torn in torment. Confused and fucked up. To fight or let go. What's next?

epitome

would fate play with you if you haven't allowed it to be in the courtyard?


Bugged and confused. 
How is it possible? You got stringed along. How can you be the antagonist? Would that be the mere fact that you let yourself be winded up? I am no conventionalist and I seldom care what others will say but the fact that my heart argues with my mind, something is off and really wrong in there. 


Destiny others will say, yet is it just that? Will you rely all your eternity to the so-called destiny and fate? Why do we even believe on such bedtime story? Yes a bedtime story. For me everything is given a chance by chance. You have to work things out with that given chance to make it work or worst come to worst-break it. Figuratively, its your temporal lobe that will decide which path to take and pursue. 


Chance- now thats a more feasible granule, compared to fate and destiny. Serendipitous? Well you can say that. Occurence and chances are a bit related and people tends to relate it with destiny after awhile, concluding several notions, assuming and then going with what they have pictured. Then viola- a fairytale! 


Cohesive right? Most of us does that in the hopes of having a happy-ever-after. Wrong! They don't come to reality most of the times! 


Being HAPPY. Isn't that what we should aim for? I know I am trampling over someone else's life. But you won't get to the top without stepping and bumping into others. The sheer fact that you bluster out of your comfort zone, some will get affected one way or the other. I am not redeeming myself from being wrong to righteous. I am just conjugating that every action has its alter ego- be it a good intent or a devilish malign.


In spite of all that hocus-pocus it would still boil down how you feel and your heart desires. Right now I will choose to be happy- it may be a wrong decision or it may be a right one. Who cares? 


I want to be happy. 

si buhay ko: komplikado

masaya ako sa tabi mo. lahat ng pagod at puyat wala sa piling mo. 
ngiti at halakhak mo, korni man sa pandinig minsan, musika naman sa puso at damdamin ko.
tanging hiling ko lang. na di ka magbago. ganito. simple. masaya. 

alam ko hirap ka. sa sitwasyon nating dalawa. ako man din walang magawa.
gusto kong ibuhos buong pagkatao ko. lahat ng pagmamahal na kaya ko, iaalay ko.
para sa'yo at sa magiging tayo. 


nabuhos man ng DIYOS lahat ng kamalasan sa relasyon na ito.
igagawa ko ng paraan, gamit ang gusto NIYA at sa paraan NIYA.
simple lang naman talaga ang nais ko. ikaw at ako. magkasama.
nagmamahalan ng walang halong lokohan at disgrasya.


komplikado pero masaya.
sa ganun yata talaga. di naman sa tayo ay nakiuso.
magulo na nakakatuwa.
ni wala nga sa hinagap ko. pangarapin pa kaya? 


mali. alam ko. at alam mo. gusto ko mang itama. nang dahil sa gusto mo. maturuan pa kayang makalimut ang pusong di naman talaga dapat na nagmahal ng todo? ilalaban ko  kung ano meron tayo. sana mapanindigan mo din ang salitang binitiwan mo.


mahal mo ako gaya ng nabibigay mo sa asawa mo.

city hall

parang bula
ganun ganun nalang
parang kabute
uusbong nalang bigla


funny how that qoute can excruciate what happened. if there is a whirlwind romance, I think this will be categorized as whirlwind fuck. it came and went by and then faded just like that. cold hard fact, the heat died down and the randy perished. as there were no feelings involved in the first place, the pragmatic thing to do is to let go.


feelings hurt, ego bruised and relationship marred, well what do you expect? matters of the heart are not to be trampled, played and manipulated. 


the issue now is what to do next? you can't drink a spilled milk no more, you can't even see a clear picture on a broken mirror. cliche to say "MOVE ON" or "FORGIVE and FORGET". duh! this is not a fairytale that all is well when it ends well. a crap and a bull! 


would I get even? good half of me says, "your choice to forgive and not to forget" but the bitch side of me wants to gang up and be drenched in blood! how morbid and apodictic right? 


sadly all good things comes to an end, the bus was just early on my part. should i be bitter? yell all hell and fuck up? i can do that definitely but i chose not to. i remember my friend again, a pessimistic beyotch "you are where you came from". me, the opposing optimist, battled "that's what you think! i guess not all and some are left still", boy did I eat my words in MEDIUM RARE. 


HONEST and TRUE- building blocks of a lasting and sanguine relationship, the only main form of how you should live your life too. i am no pharisaic but i will show you who i am-no pretentions, nothing ostentatious and grandiloquent, either deal with it or bear with it.  that's me!


wala nang matino
wala nang mas titino pa
lahat na lokohan
lahat na gaguhan

denied

bakit ako hirap na hirap?
na di naman dapat.
all I ever wanted was to be happy.
but why did this fell on my lap?


alam ko lahat dadating sa tamang panahon.
ibibigay niya ayon sa nararapat
yet things came by a breeze.
and was swept as well in a matter of seconds.


ang hirap tanggapin na lahat ng ibinigay mo
parang bula na lang na maglalaho
and what you have is still not worth
plus the denial makes everything worst


ayoko na, tama na!
ayoko na, itigil na!
I can't take it and bear it
I am already torn, miserable and hurting.


ano kaya ang mangyayari sa akin?
magiging ganito na lang ba lagi?
Everytime this and everytime the same?
Am I not gonna ever learn?

i love you's

It came as a shock.
Jaw dropping, eyes circling and not-uttering-a-word shock!
I never thought it would come from him at all.
Came to thoughts already about the situation I harbored.
Complicated, vainglorious and vindictive!
Falling in love was never really an option this time. It was a decision.


I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself.
It wasn't being non-chalant nor not caring at all.
I was just being careful, for me, for him and for everybody involved.
This wasn't a part of my plan.
I am happy as I am. Alone in a sense but not lonely.
You will seldom see me cry.


Then came one night. On a dream. He came to view infront of me.
I woke up crying. Was it a signus? No idea! But for me it wasn't a good sign. That marks a phase.
The falling in love. Point of no return. The make or break.
I don't know what to do anymore. Half of me wants to stop and let all go and half screams it's your one shot to love so hang on tight. Enjoy the joyride.


Would it be all worth it?
Is this happiness genuine at all?
What would entail after all this?
Who, When, How, What if?


If I try to answer them all, knocking Einstein would be my next puzzle piece.
Funny how I got tangled in this mesh.
I only asked God for a LOVE worth dying for. And he did. Next time I will always remember to be careful in wishing, because I always get it.

may mga ganung tao pala talaga?

People can be so tricky. Some will do anything and everything to get on TOP even if it tramples someone  else's individuality.

Take an instance an acquaintance-okay fine, a lover, a friend and now a soon-to-be foe. He came as a breeze, gallant and like a knight in shining armor not to mention cute and all but not mysterious. He was so seemingly appropriate, not the bullying kind so it was just so hard for me to digest that he can do these things: FABRICATION and MANIPULATION. Truth is truth anyway you constrict it, that will still come out clean and elusive. They always say you can run but you can never hide. Veridical right?

Excuse my French but this just fucking outrageous. I am not that familiar and well versed with different typefaces of humanity. Been with a lot of GOOD people honest, deserving, fabulous, the rich and the famous as well as beautiful wad but with the rotten kind? That I have yet to encounter. Never have I been repulsive to an entity before but now I know how it feels to be juxtaposed to him.

My, my, my. How hard and frustrating it is to be played and be stringed along. I feel like a Marionette. Disgusted and upchucked with how things happened. It becomes so revolting all because he made me fall in love first with his charisma and effervescent personality then striking me back with a dagger right through my heart. Bitter? YES! I want to get even but I guess i'll leave it to the karmic energy of the universe to deal with him. 


What makes it so sad and mordant is, five different people are festooned along and three of which are bewitched with his charms, including me of course. The rapture was definitely remarkable yet hoaxing to the point of threading a lie over another on top of more fibs and prevarications is definitely repugnant. 


Aaargh! I want to strangle him and I can't! A part of me still wants to deny all that and contest his unalloyed discernment.


Thank GOD for friends who are always to the rescue. Saving both my ass and heart to more untoward dillema.

Harsh! Very harsh!

Should I stay in LOVE and get hurt in the process? Or should I just let everything fall into place? 


I can still retract all investment, you know? I haven't delved into the depths yet. Am still scurrying and paddling my way into LOVE. Not that it's a task to overcome it's just that you know to yourself by the projectile and intuition, you can already see the end of the rainbow which has a false pretense of a gold pot!


A disaster-in-the-making? Yes! Definitely! We are dealing with a CON artist who knows how to play his cards right. The type of person Red Riding Hood's grandmother warned her about. Thrilling? Yes! Of course! The mystery of getting caught is there, mischievous really but who cares, that's the fantasy other crave and loathe at the same time!


All is fair in LOVE and WAR! Do you agree?


Harsh! Very!


What shall I do? I am bind, restless and I guess, tired. Initially a complication from the very start. The storyline? Boy1 is happily  enamored to Boy2, Boy3 gets so innnocent-looking and then earthy getting Boy1's attention and steam. So without a doubt, it ended as a triad and the complexity as well as the  byzantine of the situation is so diverse, you don't even know what to do, or me for that matter, don't know what to expect anymore. There was no intent on my end to intricate the situation, much more eradicate a perfectly harmonious bond. 


And the inevitable happened.


So what am I to ponder now? I want to be happy but not this way. 


Harsh! Very harsh!

mabilis akong kausap

boy1: Bakit mo ako nagustuhan? Hmmm?
boy2: Kasi nga nasa'yo na lahat! I mean you're mapagmahal, caring, sweet and thoughtful. Perfect boyfriend kumbaga. Wala ka nang hahanapin, total package ganun!


boy1: Di nga? Alam mo bang pangalawa ka na na nagsabi niyan...
boy2: Sino yung isa? Kilala ko ba siya?


boy1: Basta!
boy2: Okay. Mabilis naman akong kausap eh!


boy2: Eh ikaw. Sabi mo gusto mo din ako di ba?
boy1: Oo naman. Bakit?


boy2: Bakit mo ko nagustuhan?
boy1: Ah, um, ahhhhhh! Teka.


boy2: Mag-isip daw ba? Hahahaha.
boy1: Teka muna naman di ba.


boy2: Okay lang noh. Sabi ko nga di ba mabilis akong kausap!
(Sabi ko na nga ba kal*b*gan lang talaga toh eh! Here I go again. Demmit!)

Promise

I did! A forebode to myself.
To breathe as well as enjoy the good things life's offering.


Been so uptight, crammed and very focused to a life that should be savored. They say life comes once, live it and love it! Never waste time as it is of the essence. 


I agree. 


A second chance is never really a luxury with this day and age. My 2011 should be a year of travel, local one's first then hopefully an Asian tour or maybe a Global hitch after, right? Who knows! LIfe as we know is much better when we least expect things and let HIM do his will.


This blog will be endless or maybe months-in-the-making since I will be up and about the Philippine Islands for the longest as I will be cruising it month by month. As money allows it to be, it would still revolve around on moolah as the focal given that it comes every 15th and health would dictate the state of me.


My January was with Cebu. Awesome city if you ask me, the Queen City of the South. I can't start elaborating without mentioning the nightlife, tranced with magnificence and adventure, Mango District is the place to be. I can assure you of a remarkable treats that this joint offers. Spell fabulous. Imma do it in bold letters! I enfeoffed Friday-9pm at The Mactan International Airport, had some errands first then checked in at a nearby inn, took a shower and then finally hit the road. Then my jaunt officially took-off. Partying in Cebu was hell of an adventure. Awesome, I say! Then hit the sack at 5:30am but had difficulty sleeping, so I have no choice but to start my Saturday already.The scenic spots are not that panoramic anymore, for me, as they are seen in postcards most of the times but knowing how it is real life, now that is different. Visited the Mactan Shrine, then the Magellans Cross, threaded thru the Basilica Minore del Sto.Nino and then hoppity hopped to Fort San Pedro after. Walking distance, so I was in and out of the place in about an hour and 45 minutes. Breeze.


Note: I haven't snoozed yet!


So as my veins were still jittery of rum&coke, gin tonic and vodka. I set to my next terminus, Taoist Temple in Lahug. It was fun. I just whirled the staircase up and then down. Just that. Kidding. I enjoyed the architecture, scenic and bold but beautiful. What I hate? There are a lot of restirctions in the temple-never do this, not that, stay here-never there, well I guess that's normal so as to safeguard the ancient customs and traditons. No offense meant but people from all over the peninsula visits Cebu for the Taoist temple right? Well that's just a part of me dismayed. Moving on.


Finished the day tour around 6pm, exhausted and famished, had a dinner at a nearby fastfood joint. Burp! Full. 8pm striked and my nerves are up and about already, just took a warm bath then hurried to Mango again. This time straight to 

Love Abundance

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.


MANY LOVE


Polygamy (from πολύς γάμος polys gamos, translated literally in Late Greek as "often married"[1]) is a heterosexual marriage which includes more than two partners


MANY SPOUSES

Now there's a difference but still I really can't fathom the idea because it will mask the identity of a swinger. Most friends I know do practice swinging and for me it ain't healthy, promiscous even. 


I find it weird, absurd and unconventional but times have grown into such a warp that all unimaginable things before are now a reality and existing side by side with us, humans.


Would you like to share what's yours? Relationship-wise I mean. Jealousy is not a human trait well developed to handle the joyrides of intimacy and affinity. Things, yes! Why not! You can even trade, sell and barter to your hearts content if you want. But we are talking about an individual or a set of individuals. Breathing and alive. That thinks and feels differently in very atypical possible ways. Erratic sometimes if I may add. Well that's how genuine we are and distinct. Confused much? Don't rub it in!


That's my 2-cents. You? What do you think?
Are you PRO or ANTI?