may mga ganung tao pala talaga?

People can be so tricky. Some will do anything and everything to get on TOP even if it tramples someone  else's individuality.

Take an instance an acquaintance-okay fine, a lover, a friend and now a soon-to-be foe. He came as a breeze, gallant and like a knight in shining armor not to mention cute and all but not mysterious. He was so seemingly appropriate, not the bullying kind so it was just so hard for me to digest that he can do these things: FABRICATION and MANIPULATION. Truth is truth anyway you constrict it, that will still come out clean and elusive. They always say you can run but you can never hide. Veridical right?

Excuse my French but this just fucking outrageous. I am not that familiar and well versed with different typefaces of humanity. Been with a lot of GOOD people honest, deserving, fabulous, the rich and the famous as well as beautiful wad but with the rotten kind? That I have yet to encounter. Never have I been repulsive to an entity before but now I know how it feels to be juxtaposed to him.

My, my, my. How hard and frustrating it is to be played and be stringed along. I feel like a Marionette. Disgusted and upchucked with how things happened. It becomes so revolting all because he made me fall in love first with his charisma and effervescent personality then striking me back with a dagger right through my heart. Bitter? YES! I want to get even but I guess i'll leave it to the karmic energy of the universe to deal with him. 


What makes it so sad and mordant is, five different people are festooned along and three of which are bewitched with his charms, including me of course. The rapture was definitely remarkable yet hoaxing to the point of threading a lie over another on top of more fibs and prevarications is definitely repugnant. 


Aaargh! I want to strangle him and I can't! A part of me still wants to deny all that and contest his unalloyed discernment.


Thank GOD for friends who are always to the rescue. Saving both my ass and heart to more untoward dillema.

Harsh! Very harsh!

Should I stay in LOVE and get hurt in the process? Or should I just let everything fall into place? 


I can still retract all investment, you know? I haven't delved into the depths yet. Am still scurrying and paddling my way into LOVE. Not that it's a task to overcome it's just that you know to yourself by the projectile and intuition, you can already see the end of the rainbow which has a false pretense of a gold pot!


A disaster-in-the-making? Yes! Definitely! We are dealing with a CON artist who knows how to play his cards right. The type of person Red Riding Hood's grandmother warned her about. Thrilling? Yes! Of course! The mystery of getting caught is there, mischievous really but who cares, that's the fantasy other crave and loathe at the same time!


All is fair in LOVE and WAR! Do you agree?


Harsh! Very!


What shall I do? I am bind, restless and I guess, tired. Initially a complication from the very start. The storyline? Boy1 is happily  enamored to Boy2, Boy3 gets so innnocent-looking and then earthy getting Boy1's attention and steam. So without a doubt, it ended as a triad and the complexity as well as the  byzantine of the situation is so diverse, you don't even know what to do, or me for that matter, don't know what to expect anymore. There was no intent on my end to intricate the situation, much more eradicate a perfectly harmonious bond. 


And the inevitable happened.


So what am I to ponder now? I want to be happy but not this way. 


Harsh! Very harsh!

mabilis akong kausap

boy1: Bakit mo ako nagustuhan? Hmmm?
boy2: Kasi nga nasa'yo na lahat! I mean you're mapagmahal, caring, sweet and thoughtful. Perfect boyfriend kumbaga. Wala ka nang hahanapin, total package ganun!


boy1: Di nga? Alam mo bang pangalawa ka na na nagsabi niyan...
boy2: Sino yung isa? Kilala ko ba siya?


boy1: Basta!
boy2: Okay. Mabilis naman akong kausap eh!


boy2: Eh ikaw. Sabi mo gusto mo din ako di ba?
boy1: Oo naman. Bakit?


boy2: Bakit mo ko nagustuhan?
boy1: Ah, um, ahhhhhh! Teka.


boy2: Mag-isip daw ba? Hahahaha.
boy1: Teka muna naman di ba.


boy2: Okay lang noh. Sabi ko nga di ba mabilis akong kausap!
(Sabi ko na nga ba kal*b*gan lang talaga toh eh! Here I go again. Demmit!)

Promise

I did! A forebode to myself.
To breathe as well as enjoy the good things life's offering.


Been so uptight, crammed and very focused to a life that should be savored. They say life comes once, live it and love it! Never waste time as it is of the essence. 


I agree. 


A second chance is never really a luxury with this day and age. My 2011 should be a year of travel, local one's first then hopefully an Asian tour or maybe a Global hitch after, right? Who knows! LIfe as we know is much better when we least expect things and let HIM do his will.


This blog will be endless or maybe months-in-the-making since I will be up and about the Philippine Islands for the longest as I will be cruising it month by month. As money allows it to be, it would still revolve around on moolah as the focal given that it comes every 15th and health would dictate the state of me.


My January was with Cebu. Awesome city if you ask me, the Queen City of the South. I can't start elaborating without mentioning the nightlife, tranced with magnificence and adventure, Mango District is the place to be. I can assure you of a remarkable treats that this joint offers. Spell fabulous. Imma do it in bold letters! I enfeoffed Friday-9pm at The Mactan International Airport, had some errands first then checked in at a nearby inn, took a shower and then finally hit the road. Then my jaunt officially took-off. Partying in Cebu was hell of an adventure. Awesome, I say! Then hit the sack at 5:30am but had difficulty sleeping, so I have no choice but to start my Saturday already.The scenic spots are not that panoramic anymore, for me, as they are seen in postcards most of the times but knowing how it is real life, now that is different. Visited the Mactan Shrine, then the Magellans Cross, threaded thru the Basilica Minore del Sto.Nino and then hoppity hopped to Fort San Pedro after. Walking distance, so I was in and out of the place in about an hour and 45 minutes. Breeze.


Note: I haven't snoozed yet!


So as my veins were still jittery of rum&coke, gin tonic and vodka. I set to my next terminus, Taoist Temple in Lahug. It was fun. I just whirled the staircase up and then down. Just that. Kidding. I enjoyed the architecture, scenic and bold but beautiful. What I hate? There are a lot of restirctions in the temple-never do this, not that, stay here-never there, well I guess that's normal so as to safeguard the ancient customs and traditons. No offense meant but people from all over the peninsula visits Cebu for the Taoist temple right? Well that's just a part of me dismayed. Moving on.


Finished the day tour around 6pm, exhausted and famished, had a dinner at a nearby fastfood joint. Burp! Full. 8pm striked and my nerves are up and about already, just took a warm bath then hurried to Mango again. This time straight to 

Love Abundance

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.


MANY LOVE


Polygamy (from πολύς γάμος polys gamos, translated literally in Late Greek as "often married"[1]) is a heterosexual marriage which includes more than two partners


MANY SPOUSES

Now there's a difference but still I really can't fathom the idea because it will mask the identity of a swinger. Most friends I know do practice swinging and for me it ain't healthy, promiscous even. 


I find it weird, absurd and unconventional but times have grown into such a warp that all unimaginable things before are now a reality and existing side by side with us, humans.


Would you like to share what's yours? Relationship-wise I mean. Jealousy is not a human trait well developed to handle the joyrides of intimacy and affinity. Things, yes! Why not! You can even trade, sell and barter to your hearts content if you want. But we are talking about an individual or a set of individuals. Breathing and alive. That thinks and feels differently in very atypical possible ways. Erratic sometimes if I may add. Well that's how genuine we are and distinct. Confused much? Don't rub it in!


That's my 2-cents. You? What do you think?
Are you PRO or ANTI?

emo boy

With my last break-up, I got devastated-torned into pieces and crashed all through. Never thought I could still bounce up and put resilience back in me. I asked HIM real hard to give me the one that I love. HE did. But that's just it, HE gave me the physical entity but never the whole individual with heart and mind to think, love and feel. Little did I know, as I contemplated, it was my answered prayer. Granted by the Omnipotent.


Again I prayed hard, really hard, well let's say this time much harder than the last. This time, I entreat and adjure for HAPPINESS. That's all. May it be a new friend, empowered life, success with career, love of a kin or even just a simple gift. Doesn't really matter what it is. Just a lucid or even casual thing. Am up for grabs. Happiness. 


But as HE is so amazing and a truly wonderful loving GOD. I again asked for one and he gave me the ONE. I hope. Emo Boy. He made the sun shine again. Made me realize how it is to fall in love again and trust and hope and be simply happy. The thought of him clears my head and gives me life from within. Words may not vindicate and not be enough to utter how I feel right now. Happiness. I know it will end but that's the future's concern already and that's why we have a present to make all that progeny matter.


But wait there's more. Have I told you that I am in a POLYAMORY kind of relationship? 
I know! Smells trouble, right? Who cares! I don't.
I am not conventional and I have the alternative lifestyle to boot. So right now it's a win-win situation. Consent it stays the same. I hope. 


Uncertain, hmmm? Yes! It's inevitable. Everything else is temporary. Only HIM is enduring and permanent.

dayshift

FUN. 

Less queue. Less stress.

But not that compensated since there is nothing hazardous that may inflict a call center junkie like me. As am with a 24-hour support center, the clock ticks the whole day long, swarmed with people around, our center never gets hollowed and empty. Sometimes 5-10 heads in the afternoon or 10-15 count by night time then 150 to about 200 people by the middle of the wee hours after midnight. A regular stuff. No biggie.

I have the conventional and typical Yuppie shift that starts when the sun rises and ends when the sun sets. Boring? I know. Not to mention the traffic plus the hustle and the bustle of people trying to get to work and school as well. Qualms? I don't get to have any nowadays. What else would I ask for? Work by day and party till dawn then repeat till fade . See? For once in my 6 years in the industry am in a human form again. You never get to have a social life if your doing the gravey, I should say, been toxifying those shifts since eternal I guess.

Health? I don't know, endangered, I deduce? It's not a normal routine if you ask me but that's the only way to palliate all the negative ions you procure. A week is so much of a burden not to mention Mondays, yuck! I even made a mantra for Mondays, T G I F -making the day a Friday instead of it being the first day of the work week! Positive thinking just to get thru the day. I can't tell you enough to the brim, how fusive Mondays are with us. Spell hell in all caps. That's it!

My life? Like dayshift!
Fun. Less queue. Less stress.

The Dessert and The Main Course

They have been steady for 7 years and counting, one time I asked, "What makes your relationship strong?" He answered. "It's not! We just work things out"

"Huh? What do you mean? Isn't that what you define as complicated?"


"It is!"


"Huh? You are talking in riddles. Am not digesting it anymore but very intriguing!" Scratching my head back and forth. Deep breath.


"That's what makes it so complicated, I can't even explain it." He moved closer with a blank face.


"That's tough!" 


"It is!" Staring out, still blank face. "Ganito yun. Although we are in a relationship we cater others too."


"What? That's infidelity!" My jaw dropped in disbelief.


"Di naman! In a Filipino-type of setting it is, even alarming. I came from an uptight Chinese family, ties and customs bound pa nga eh!"


"Hmmmm. What do you mean when you said cater to others?"


"Flings. Casual innuendos. One-time fuck! Sometimes orgies too."


"Don't you love him anymore."


"No. Don't get me wrong when I say this, I love my partner but as your relationship grows, there comes a time that I would feel nothing, affections, nada, love, none too, but you will stay because of commitment."


"Complicated nga." Nodding in approval. "Haven't you decided to break up nalang? Coz' if you're not being true and honest to your partner, you're denying respect to the both of you."


"Ambobo naman neto! Widen your horiozons! C'mon! Think out of the box." His eyes so wide open trying to explain.


"Di nga! Ikaw kung maka-bobo ka naman! Dahan-dahan please?"


"Kasi nga you haven't been into our kind of relationship. All of your shit were one-night stands and short. Not even a week, here you are single-again." 


"Oo na! Ikaw na masaya!" I rolled my eyes to hide the hurt. 

Panatang Makabayan

I was on my way to work earlier when I've mistakenly moved my radio button to 99.5 RT. I never get to listen to them by mornings since Chico and Delamar of RX 93.1 fills my airwaves most of the time. I thought I'd be hearing music but to my surprise it was Panatang Makabayan. It occured to me what a way to instill Filipino values to our youth. Them, radio jocks are the most influential people over the frequencies and even on the internet, why not, even just once a day, play the Oath of Allegiance. A small awareness but would benefit all Filipino, young or old, student or professionals alike, regardless of religion. The oath marks our identity. 


Embrace it. Fulfill it.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oath_of_Allegiance_(Philippines)


Current version


Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas,
aking lupang sinilangan,
tahanan ng aking lahi;
kinukupkop ako at tinutulungang
maging malakas, masipag, at marangal.
Dahil mahal ko ang Pilipinas,
diringgin ko ang payo ng aking mga magulang,
susundin ko ang tuntunin ng paaralan,
tutuparin ko ang tungkulin ng mamamayang makabayan;
naglilingkod, nag-aaral, at nagdarasal
nang buong katapatan.
Iaalay ko ang aking buhay, pangarap, pagsisikap
sa bansang Pilipinas


Translation of the original English version


Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas
Ito ang aking lupang sinilangan
Ito ang tahanan ng aking lahi
Ako'y kanyang kinukupkop at tinutulungan
Upang maging malakas, maligaya at kapakipakinabang
Bilang ganti, diringgin ko ang payo ng aking mga magulang
Susundin ko ang mga tuntunin ng aking paaralan
Tutuparin ko ang mga tungkulin ng isang mamamayang makabayan at masunurin sa batas
Paglilingkuran ko ang aking bayan nang walang pag-iimbot at ng buong katapatan
Sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na Pilipino sa isip, sa salita, at sa gawa

caught in the middle

I abso-fuckin'-lutely don't know where to stand. BFFs fighting on my left, BF rumble on my right, see what I mean? That I did not incur on my own, believe me it's their doing and I should turn my back and not care nonetheless but I DO. Endless? I know! You should see the halftime that I've been to. Very remarkable! So really am caught in the middle to meddle.


CASE 1: BFF
One falsified, the other got fibbed! Both have points and am on the edge of sanity! It will be overrated if I flank with one and cause a gulf war if I get my boots to the other. Getting particular would mean getting hurt. No one wants to stoop down from their lofts. Ingesting my dilemma so far? Aargh! Me no likey one bit of it! I wish they could just patch things up and get done with it. I mean what is a 10-ish years of boy watching and hunting, almost-to-fart laughs, incessant gossip, late night partying, diva-off Saturdays, puke-drenched moments and the failures as well as the triumphs just despoiled to thin air.We've been there and done all of them! Even shared a toy or two(wink*wink)! Boys would still be on top of the list but we don't fight over them. RULE #1. NEVER FIGHT OVER BOYS. Constantly reminded they will be boys and will be boys on that matter.


So pitiful to see that to waste. A bond like that ain't easy to distinct. I guess in time. Forgive and forget don't apply to us no more. We're past beyond that but hopefully everything will turn out right. They say all good things comes to an end, sanguinely not. It took years and most of the lifetimes that we had just to flush it to atrophy. I won't take sides though, park at your own risk, I will lend a hand and drop a tear if need be but never complicate things out. They call me a SAFE-shifter but a compliment for me. Trouble and intrigue is already my middle name and am not  topping it off with another one.


CASE 2: BF
The typical type. I mean the usual. TOP checks someone out, BOTTOM goes beserk. I told you, it's the vernacular: INVIDIOUS. I am not against relationship nor I am bitter that I don't have any. Being alone does not translate to being lonely it's how you make of it that matters and that's the pulchritude of life. I get mine once in awhile and YES not every leap year thank you very much. So the story goes. Me as a medium of peace, tried but was never quite succesful, there was the walk out, the yelling, the pushing, the pointing fingers and all that jazz. Name it, done. Damn these damsels when on a catfight, read:HEADACHE! As in! Take note this happened in the middle of a busy street, a highway, beat that! Even suicide was the name game. OMG! That was definitely not my theatrical debut.


Good thing everyone settled in, pride's bruised and ego's marred. Logic won. Armistice reigned. Still one thing I have learned from these lovebirds, pride and prejudice really won't attain anything. 
Sorry can.


CASE CLOSED. AM OUT.

I am SORRY.

I tried drowning my thoughts with music. It goes away but as soon as the music stops and the beat goes down, notions ripples in. I can't shush myself nor quiescent it out. See how hard this situation held me in the world? A very distracting and altercating position is I may say so.


I even vexed booze and wine. It eluded and deadened me but that just lasted over a night. And then the next, it's still there, tormenting me with the very deed, being played back over and over again. I don't want to obsess anymore, I wann be free and rid all this incredulity. 


As when the fire toned down and the concupiscence decamps away, I can't help but think the wads I hurt and the pecks torn apart. I can't bear in mind the havoc am gonna create and holoc am stirring through. My validity as a human being - selfless and helpful and giving and understanding, tarnished and crashed into details.


Did I even tried to stop? Did I enthrall and muster a voice to defy? How can I slip through my strict conscience? Do I like him in a sensual way that it created a faux pas to my consciousness? And would he even return a slightest bit of a kindle?


All I can remember are remnants. Blur. Sickening blur. I am so bothered I don't know what am gonna do and think. From the looks of it, it went by as the minutes passed by and the hours ambled. It was never tackled nor discussed even set nub to it. I am no cynic but at this point in time I became a misanthropist. Maybe am just creating a ghost that axioms my entirety.


One thing galls me.
I denied a friend.
Will be hurting a friend.
Most of all effectuate pain to a friend.


I am SORRY.

kaput

I never want it to happen.
Is that a test of faith? The will to fight?
Close to my heart, you are my family and became my kin.
Pure lust perhaps? Carnal urge? Or just a need? 
I fought real hard but the battlecry wasn't mine to wail.
Was my voice not suffice? Or got mimed because of desire?
It's shattering, heart wrenching and mind boggling.
Why of all people it was me? Of all places, there?



I can't look into your eyes no more without the questions I want filled.
I can't agree to you face to face anymore.
I can't compete with you without catechize surfacing.
I can't inveigle nor palaver to you.
I can't laugh to those crazy antics you caper.






I am not destroying a friendship that's built to last.
Isn't the bond enough? Does happiness not matter anymore?
People around us will get hurt.
Can we elude the fact of ruining a china? 
I will shut up and drive.
Can you tolerate? What about your love?
Then try to forget but never forgive.
Or have you forgotten? 


Trust. Kaput

Love. Kaput 

the Bar Silver

laid back flat on the floor. then passed out.
I woke. he was holding my hand. and am out.
head spinning. got up. sat down. then out again.
opened my eyes. him clasping my hand. till passing out.


I blinked. my lips were in his. then passed out.
sensation swathing me. him on top caressing. and am out.
endearments. here and there. lips-locked. then out again.
passionate buss. fiery kiss. hands all over. till passing out.


I was on my knees. stroking his emblem. then out again.
fondled his. it slowly hardened. and am out.
mine sated his mouth. moaning. then out again.
his filled my orifice. pleasures all over. till passing out.


he groped. I moaned. lust filling the air. then out again.
I suckled. he soughed. pruriency followed. and am out.
my lips hungered for his. savored him. then out again.
impressed him all over. esthesis burning. till passing out.


blur.
tears rolled down.
conscience thundering.
questions unanswered.