BOY talk: Conspicuous truth!

In my psychoanalysis (what a word, right?), men are as blunt-dull when it comes to sensitivity, Alas! I was wrongly deceived by my data-incoherence, I know a guy, attitude-wise were different, I mean extreme from sound picks, to ideologies and even fashion statement, one thing we ever collide with is the sense of humor, that binds us(don’t take it personal, it’s just, ahhhh! Whatever, okay, fine, I’ve got a crush on the guy, you can’t blame me!) Uncompromisingly,  things have not been as smooth as sea does, mind you sea doesn’t have same currents everyday, they tend to overtake each passing current, and yes, his ideal boy-girl relationship turned-topsy-turvy haywire, judging from the looks on his face, it wasn’t the routinary fact of an am-gonna-be-your-friend-till-the-end scenario. 

Devastatingly, the guy said he be moving on, but sometimes, the eyes says so much than what your lips can tell. Me, being an owl to hoot with what he had been before the break-up ain’t gonna confuse in telling that he’s bothered with everything. You’re supposing where do I came in? The usual scene, “to the rescue” with understanding on the left hand and advice on the right, for crying out loud, I love the guy! Would you believe that? But the accolades won’t change a fact, that a love restraint from freedom, deepens like a scar that heals but leaves a mark! Offering pep-talks for me helps, but rather for others they tend to shy away for a reason not to remember the sad/happy thoughts the relationships been with. But even in words, written or spoken won’t deny the bitterness that fruits out from an investment longing to conjure the test of time. Subtlety has been born with the ladies and the lady-at-heart (yeah like me), but with a guy, it led me to believe they don’t exist, knowing a few myself who just treats a woman a damsel always in distress, at any time saved, would fall under a man’s knees. But considering it being a guy and a man to be fascinated by such sensitivity (I mean how could you say no, when he asks favor right? stand on my ground if you like, I tell you, it’s a whirlwind over there!

Soul“foul” Search

Yeah, offensive right! But all of us are, right? Whether you like it or not it’s this journey of unsuccessful soul-searching in every aspect life offers, damn corny, but doesn’t anyone? I mean looking for happiness, I mean true point-value happiness, taking plasticity and practicality outside of the circle, Ally Mcbeal did, but in hazardous situations, unimaginable at that! Whoa!

However, I’d like to ask, is there really a soul your meant to be with? Eoww! Hopeless romantic? Yes! And am proud to say I am, “hope” is the only resort I have standing and what’s left of me, personally I haven’t tried dating or even known a virtual guy, “eyeballs” them and turn it into one big fling! Yeah right, 23-year old virgin? But what can I do, am not the type ………..I know, wrong! Life has evolved into one big mass of people, you get to know with then the next day, gone! Not a trace……… am not a cleansed-mother virgin, I have hormonal urges too but the thing is, is this the right stuff? Maybe it is for some, but how I really wish I could join that caravan. I mean, does that really exist that you don’t invest into something you divulge your life with? I got this friend of mine, practically Miss-Congeniality-type-of-some-sort, gets into a relationship, be done with it, whole person with auroric-confidence still! How the plasmic hell did he do that? Simply says: keep yourself intact and unattached! Hmmmm, possible? He did survive, I mean countless, effortless and boy did he takes them home!

Unattaching? Do we have tutorial classes for this one? Please could you count me in, desperately am in need of the lectures. Ahhrg! Naturally once you develop an understanding with someone, you tend to invest in something, I mean feeling, and longing and love can be added to that investment. Sure thing as unattaching, would it be so possible? Some can do it but why can’t I? Oh me gosh! 

Am too tired of ……

Tired of thinking what will become of me, been so desolate for as long as I can remember, all I’ve had are only poignant thoughts, only reminiscing can recollect. Am I expecting too much? Or plainly my way is out of my league? Not sure though, wishing there could be change, hah! I can’t just lie still without doing anything, I’m doomed for vagrancy and I don’t feel like having to savor the loneliness again.

Some people think, joviality is becoming of me, yeah right, true in way! Coz what will be of Mira’s existence if am just going to go ahead and get lost in translation. 1 + 1, would relatively equate with stupidity, boredom and self-deprivation on the term “happy” in which, seldom triggers a point of focal where strength versus mind and emotion battles up, gearing toward what is better of a person or what would deal accordingly to a situation such as this. Being alone, selfish and righteous hasn’t brought much joy and luck when it fields out to love and relationships, maybe to some yes, but ask me and my experience, hasn’t changed much of it! Career-wise? Yeah am on it, bragging pots of gold and recognition but I don’t think it suffices it all, work gives you pleasure in certain ways, measurable as it is. But falling in love does immense a totality of you being a person you are living life as it unfolds. Yet there are ME’s entrapped to a spot irrevocable by truth and knowledge with a fact, however fighting for glory brewed in it’s finest!

How sweet it is thinking of what will become of someone or something but in reality sometimes slips through unimaginably coarse path. Is there a knock that would tell me, hey! This is it, the time, the person and the consequence, be appropriate and display a great deal of appearance. Is there? Or it stumble you unexpectedly? I really don’t know and am really not sure of what to anticipate, I want to do something, exert unto anything and devour love and time for someone but it also wrings me of questions, even I can’t expatiate!

Funny thing though, I have a remarkable knuckle with questions but not with retorts! I guess its how life unfurls at your very own eyes but still not notice such graceful indulgence! Am tired, really tired, hmmmmmm……?

Little Manhattan

What a movie! An 11-year old teeny-bopper film about life as it unfolds! Try it, cute! But has some point and senses (heheheh). 

Lately I’ve been so desperate about how love passes by not nudging me even a bit! Me being single and all that, had dreaded dreams of being alone for the rest of my life, well true fact that it happens and everyone at my state, age and lifestyle, statistically speaking there are more single souls rather than coupled pairs!

Yet mentally speaking, falling in love is a pain in the ass (oops! Pardon me words!). A burden to money matters, a waste in time and energy, practically, it’s a disaster! Am not that bitter and all that but reality bites (ouch!) and should we ask ourselves this time is it advisable falling in love? Well let’s look at it this way, you engage into some kind of relationship, invest into something I mean everything, mental, emotional, figurative definitions in terms of time and devotion. But what if you’re not meant for each other? Yes, and it’s a known fact not all relationships turns out to be as divine as they should be, some ended up after several years of being together.

A friend of mine once told me, that love fades, though how pure and untarnished it maybe, still will bade out of tune, but what matter is the commitment established and brought forth thru time of being together. Generally most couples stay in marriages not because mainly of love but the pledge discerned by one another.

Quite childish to think, why fall in love when you’re just going to be hurt in the end (hehehe). But hey! Love makes the world go round, right? In the simplest matter of giving, there’s love to connect with! Naaaa! Forget what I trysted, love all your heart out; it’s the purest form of life!

Stale, a word for the day!

It bores me, I know here goes Mira again, angst, grievances and pities, hmmm! Do I have a choice? I hope so, but in my so-called routinely cramped life, I have no options in doing all my wants and needs, in every demand, I foresee a commitment I need to break-free. You weigh things at-scale to keep imbalance at detail, though some glitches are patched through but neither ways planning never misses out imperfections! Haggard, yup that’s what explains and depicts me, am not at all happy, if happiness would describe the totality and serenity of living life. Duh! Living a life in the metro has been such a bliss, before this was a dream yet now is a reality, am living it yet am not savoring it as everyone should be, metro-living for me now is a just a way of life, yeah sure, am suggesting it right coz I’ve been here, adjusted and ruled my way out of it, but hello? Those were the days of excruciating fight with turbulence as what the metro offers. Although it’s a fact that I’ve come to terms with the audacity and the jovialness of the city, which I’ve fallen in love with but am still not with my senses in living it out here! But hey, we’ve been given options, and change the only one’s permanent right? So live life to the fullest or so as they say, maybe in time I’ll learn to perplex life as it contours!

Crying out loud (but I can’t!)

I really don’t know where to start, what to do and why do I feel this way. I want to scream and shout the feelings I have inside but instigatingly I utterly can’t, why do always unfair things has its own way of redeeming glorious cuts and glories. When at some point you are the happiest soul in the planet, blasting struck would wake you up, bloating you with feelings unimaginable!

I guess life’s designed as that, for every locomotion that you’re going to stimulate, a deeper and much trouble will obliterate when fate resembles a skirmish. Maybe it’s not meant for me, but why “always”, am I the only idiot here, dominant enough, even tangible to all pains and sufferings? Sometimes I even think I should just cut my self loose from all attachments tantamount to wield feelings with.

In my hungry days of youth, career has been the most forecasted thought, prioritizing and obsessing to the magnanimity of my craft but that’s all to it nothing more nothing less, I’ve not even goaled a romance thru perfection, even more it defied me of company jolting everyone away with my vanity for absolution in my chosen path, I mean really miles apart from me.

Am I the only one to be blamed why I’m at the state of not knowing what to do? I have a dynamic career ahead of me, a promiscuous risk management at some point of judicial focal, intuitive psyche but a simple immaterial so called—romance, am all blank stared. I can’t even comprehend why? Am all useless and I don’t even know what causes it, am all fu*&#d up and I don’t even like the feeling of it!

Yet paramount as it is, would control be a tantamount for all of this? Would it be bliss to either eradicate one way or the other? Hmm? Am almost on a verge of loosing the touch but a hover on all of my innuendos past, present and soon to be futures, it has been a such a great roller coaster ride am not going to ever forget and would always treasure. Come on, how many times are you going to pass a lifetime, just once right? So in as much as you are tired, you also have everything and everyone to be thankful for! 

why, oh! why?

Here I go again slurred and so detested, does it always have to pattern? Previously I have pacified a thought that it never would happen as Carrie Bradshaw experienced on a relationship she’s been with Big, Do you really have to fall into some iconic resolution of what should be guided on a person to love with? Pretty lame if you’ll tell me BUT my guess caught up to me and now I have realized it does pattern and definitely after three consecutive feeling-blurt, there really is a pattern. 

Plenty of thoughts are rummaging me down, don’t really know where to start, first am bugged if and only if there should be a pattern in which there is, could we fight it over? I mean get over it? The idealization tends you to iconize a person and reflect it with the one you’re supposed to like in the present and accordingly the one in the future too. Yet past-rewinding all that has happened am I the one to be blamed for? Or the person that comes after the first one is the fugitive? Intuitively is that built on your psyche to typecast?

Am all bugged and really don’t know how to apprehend the comprehension of what really life is offering me, am I to accept the fact that there is no future for me when tune goes to the matters of the heart, fact: I have a career-based stability, am all geared to face all consequences that comes my way and bring me anywhere definitely I’ll strike everywhere yet why a simple/single theme such as falling in love and grabbing a relationship am all tied and winded up and as always a failure. Should I just give up looking for one? Coz it’s like hurting yourself one way or the other, others say at least you have tried and experienced what it’s like than to never have felt it at all, sure true thing but coming out tarnished, hurt and blemished after that relationship, not mention the petty fights and arguments along the way, resoluble, yes! But still marks a denture to oneself, if I may ask isn’t it a torture?

agony101

Really not a time for me, ouch!

Am all hurt and tears but in the nature of the work am focused with, not applicable, mind you I got myself a large mirror enveloping my whole face to always remind me to smile and never frown, a friend told me that technique. Question: are gay supposed to be affected after a relationship? Or commended for the flexibility to jump from a certain commitment to another? I guess both, but is that safe and healthy to both physical and psychological growth. I hope it does………….

It hurts to know that you are being lied with and be hidden out of the truth apparently being taken to the light of truth, also gives much agony than being lied with. Frustrating right? Yet that leads all to it, saddened by the fact that the love you’ve hoped for would never be a reality, and in a snap breaks like twig, is a damnation to the totality of a person, treat me one and my story goes this way and that.

Loving a person, doing everything for the sake of it, name it, I’ve been there, done that and cried a river to be exact. We started friends like everyone does, then without him knowing you have created your life with him in it, cliché huh? But I guess all of us do that, bang me with a gong next time am falling short! My bad I misled me of doing so, I should have asked him from the very start. Well we do learn from the mistake we make right?

Blistering bliss!!

Am I just confusing myself with the illusion of being happy? It has been years, and I have not fully recuperated of the feelings I’ve had before, am I obstructing myself to much? Weighing things, complicated as it is yet I really have to stand to a point. But which would compliment us better? We’ve stayed as friends as long as college days were frequent some say that elevation of such relationship into greater heights, some soar but at times flunks deeply underground.

Before I never believed that the heart and mind contradicted to the extent of losing your grip but lately, with the scenario I’ve been to? Really did make a snare on my knuckles. My psyche being the one who managed all the stirring emotions since the break-up, controlled all faulty actions and refurbished the necessary mending and moving on apprehended. In actuality is aching, why? One single reason, the heart that feels every beat and the one that surges all emotions is still very much entwined with the thought of the love that once was at full bloom.

Creepy huh, but for me although it was the biggest lie I’ve ever interluded with, it was also the happiest, most enticing memories I’ve had since time in memoriam. You know the feeling of being full, contented and just happy was there, as songs rhyme it, all you need is Love, duh! Illusions? Yeah it was but sure is one of the loveliest by far! Whew! Too much to handle for a crippled heart that has been too much of sadness the world can offer!

I want to scream but I just can’t! I am still in love but there are a lot of thoughts in swirl running thru different verses of what-will-happen and lots of if-only keeps on racing. What will I do, whom will I follow……aaaaaaarrrrhhhhgggg! If only there are simple ways of falling in love, but I guess they never come in full package, one way or the other has its surges, deviants that not anybody can ever reach through. Well some of us conforms, but does everybody?

Consequentiallly for you!

Change is the only permanent in this world. Flaringly yes, but are we able to change destiny as it is written? Heck of a confusion huh?

Karma, the one related to change, I mean, let’s get to it, a law in physics class heads us up: in every action, there is an equal and relatively positive and negative reaction. Layman’s diction? Consequences! But I always think about it as karma, either positive or negative still is a part of the consequence that equates what you have done, though past and present that would still affect and whack you in a bang!

Take an example, me, yeah me, none other else! I bummed myself hoping to construct a diversity of what I have, yet I was very wrong to have let gone of a gem so precious, now so intricate, there is no other stock left. Precarious judgment was one of the highlights. Awfully true, but my senses were clouded of what seems to be the most elusive decision I have done on my entire life. Elusive? Definitely! A scorching career that provided everything great and one of a kind. Please don’t mind my junk sentimentality but that’s the truth behind it all.

I hope all will come to its terms and finally would end my desperation in which is, and radically is destroying me. Tempting though to end my life, yep! I did have an unraveling thought of it. Am a complete disaster, as presumably judged with all of my writings on the wall. I want to be free but who doesn’t right? all of us woes of being able to set our self boundless by everything. I guess as rough as it gets the tough should too be going. But how? Condescendingly its always there to perturb my very existence.

Well, its maybe a teaching for me, not to take very lightly the consideration of a fact to value work as a basic necessity to human existence and formation. Contemplating over the sad situation am stuck into. Right now I don’t have a damn choice, do I? Very late to think of the repercussions, why now? Am beginning to doubt it’s human nature. You can’t value a thing if you have it, at the time you loose it, it ravels you the significance.

Vanity Fair

People really judge you of what they see of you. 

Tsk, tsk, tsk! 

Odd I guess, but how can you blame a centuries old of knowing a person by the way you look, smell and taste? Peculiar yet that’s how it’s characterized and dealt with. Fascinating how an attitude and character multitudes how you perceive a person, nowadays folks doesn’t even try to know you before they utter an interpretation of you, they simply give you a look, nod even, then that’s that and they’ll give you a summary of what they know of you based on what illusion they see of you! Huh! Dumb you’ll say who’ll be doing that? Many is at pleasure doing those, God, how constrict-minded people think! Just imagine, but that goes and flows of what society has deemed the way it should have been!

In a world I strut in, the first thing they’ll notice of you, is how damn you look, either disturbing or plane-Jane if both doesn’t please them, query always pops-in. It has always been the game, dress to please as they say, it even spells out who you are at the moment you exude grace and poise but have they really dug the personality of what makes a person’s totality?

I guess, NEVER!

But hey, they already know you even before you speak, right? So who cares!

Hoochie bootie!

Have you ever had those urges? Sexually I mean. Me, myself keeps on having them, I know it's sick but don’t you think its normal, being a person with primal and carnal needs? And mind you in heat at that point too! I know what’s in your mind. Blimey! I’ve had some thinking done over it! Several gazillion hours just over the thought. Maybe I am sick but let’s agree to the fact that am not the only one on that lane. Geez! I even have urges to the person next to me. No! that’s me lying, it was a joke am not that sick-o to think of something like that!

Recently things are very complicated and out of hand, yet let me verse that one correctly, perversely it’s getting worse, I know for a fact it’s not suppose to happen but am on it! Sacredly hiding it but I know any moment it would splurge if I may not get it out of my system and get laid and be done with it! Accordingly I can’t! am all out of penny and extravagance is quite not exquisite on those urges! Well, I guess its for the good of me, coz am in a perfect nowhere and I need to get my senses back in place.

Needless to say am a pervert, that nature nurtured to be abundant on me! What a mess! I don’t wanna be like this, you know the feeling of being scrunched and reminded every now and then that what you are doing and thinking is not good and utterly very bad for you and everyone around you! Am sure it’s particularly the dumbest thought I have right now, but don’t have a choice either!

Now am angry being me and with the thoughts above my head, it really runts me to insanity. Am not sure what would become of me, all I know it’s eating me up. Really hoping it would turn out a good side of a person of me, but with the hike am getting strangled with, I doubt if that is still best for me.

Yet enough of me, so far this thought has been all a one-sided course. And by the looks of it, it may not be a fairy-tale ending but I assume I could have the thrown and the tiara with the castle to go with it! That easy huh? But I doubt it! I really do.

Pointe-blanke—-

Earlier I’ve had an interview thru phone with one of the company am applying for. Irony is that after the interview I felt empty. Is that normal? I mean it should not be, right? I mean if you nailed it, why do I have questions?

Was it what I’ve said? Or was it how I said it or delivered it? Or maybe it’s me personally? The only response that I’ve got was it would be forwarded to the management. My oh my! I really can’t figure what went wrong, I don’t want to blame myself or be hard on myself since I’ve had my previous experience to what am applying for. I know what I want and I know what I need, but how do I get it?

Previous experience got me all worked up, fixing me to become all I am, I know am equipped to the work am applying for but just what makes me wrong or how wrong I’ve said it. Am very messed up right now, I don’t want to implicate things over the fact that am burned out having no work, and bum and really anxious to get money for myself. That really is not happening right now!

I’ve recently come to a clause, work it or break it! Man, very hard and tough to digest. I know such an easy word but really an awful lot to consider. Am hoping for the very best and to be positive in all that I have done, truthfully I know, I got it good and worked out! But sadly, things sometimes go haywire when you least expect it! Tsk, tsk, tsk!

I hope things really would change, am not used to be being this, I always am in control and knows what to do but right now, am really slummed and dumped to my senses. My friends scorned me the dreaded question: WHY RESIGN? I already had everything, yep! I did but incidentally, I crammed it down the drain. Whew!  I know this would be a very nasty and  long overdue talk but I know, am always be the one to blame!

Dating and mating!

Intriguing huh? I don’t dare think so. I’ve had the most convex theory last night while I was waiting for the jeep to fetch us up. Lately it's been a wonder if there would still be such romanticism that I ogle to every once in a while. Mind you it really is very tiring having to deal with yourself alone at night, if you know what I mean. Great times have been shared with “palmistry” but it does sort of end there and would fade out eventually and really you would need some other heat and the need to be with someone else.

I’ve even joked about it, coz this was this guy, a not so cutie but a looker, he kind of passed and checked me out, mind you I have still hope that I’ll have happiness on my ever after all the while, am not that ugly-looking that’s what I’m meaning to tell. He waited about half an hour, clinging to the fact that I might be a savory dish for the night, yet his claim was overtured since I don’t have the time of my life. But quite apprehensive and remarkable since it will make me still a “sought after” eligible!

The fact that I don’t have extra-allure when it comes to sex, that is the allergy am most anxious to know how to scratch. The only experience that I have are vivid memories, I have seduced my ****** to bed and am hoping that I won’t do it again, that’s all. I even took education from a friend and am not even on the hands-on part of the training. Horrible existence huh? Yep and that’s a naked truth. The one thing on my mind right now, is to get over and done with it, so I could evaluate myself how I rate and fare. I mean that’s the real deal right? Being me and my status really is a bugger!

I know I have mustered a thing or two, so I won’t be a zero-transfat on that aspect but really is getting into my nerves how it would be like and feel like.

The Right kind of Wrong

here is an excerpt from an infamous song on an infamous movie I love watching over and over….. seriously, the title is a bit exaggerated but the thing of the apple is, that’s the truth!

*-*-*-*-*

I know all about your reputation And now it’s bound to be a heartbreak situation But I can’t help it if I’m helpless Every time that I’m where you are You walk in and my strength walks out the door Say my name and I can’t fight it any more Oh I know, I should go But I need your touch just too damn much Loving you, That isn’t really something I should do I shouldn’t wanna spend my time with you ya Well I should try to be strong But baby you’re the right kind of wrong

It might be a mistake, A mistake I’m making But what your giving I am happy to be taking Cause no one’s ever made me feel The way I feel when I’m in your arms They say your somethin I should do without They don’t know what goes on When the lights go out There’s no way to explain All the pleasure is worth all the pain I should try to run but I just can’t seem to ‘Cause every time I run you’re the one I run to Can’t do without what you do to me, I don’t care if I’m in to deep

*-*-*-*

pretty deep huh? but do digest the words, you’ll love it!

my right kind of wrong

i know things won’t be alright, clearly not all what you want is what you will get. somehow ideas mesh up once in a while but would minds be all you and i need? am so afraid this would happen and it did yet how i wish it didn’t. maybe nearness triggers all else, sharing thoughts and dreams, aspirations and hopes makes it impossible to forget. an equation very hard to concise, would i value friendship or would i care less? is it right to say: ALL WE NEED IS LOVE? The Beetles says so but it complicates everything. i love LOVE but it initiates hollow, excruciating pain to the bond ever built. am all stressed, loud as it may scream, i can’t deny the fact: I love him, more than i value friendship. it ain’t easy, but i’ll struggle to prove my love. great fact that i may fail but you won’t know unless you try it for yourself. am i to destruct the crease that transpired over the months? well it’s possible and feasible but am so afraid, very afraid. but the love i feel inside gives me courage to face my fears and doubts. am all dresse up in love but could i withstand all the conflicts it may bring? maybe i will maybe i won’t but who’s to know for sure what will eventually become of the hasty decisions. i love how we fight, how we aggravate things, how disturbing his reactions are and how excruciating to please his one-of-a-kind attitude towards life. i adore how he manages being silly and funny, moody at times but cute to start with. there are actually a million things to describe the feeling, yet things are quite different when am with him.

pano ba simulan ang mahabang kwento kasama ang taong ito…….?

*(i’ve written this potpourri in the vernacular, just for fun and laughter, mind you it’s my very first attempt, am just not sure if it’s successful or not, it’s stressful…gathering thoughts has never been this excruciatingly painful….but the feeling is surreal, loved it!

this is an odyssey of love and friendship floretted but was never refined…sad but true yet an interesting gambit to have sophisticated)*

pano ba simulan ang mahabang kwento kasama ang taong ito…….?

ipis man kung tutuusin
malabong mahagilap sa paningin
ilusyon mo’y isang panaginip
na sa pag gising ay di mawari sa pag-iisip

ako’y gamu-gamong nangarap ng isang katulad mo
pero alam ko sa salita at sa puso
di tiyak sa aking pagdaraop
at sa mga dalangin abot langit ang sakop

minsan naisip ko kung ukol pa ba
hawiin ang ulap makasama ka
pero ako’y duda sa mukha ng pag-asa
malinlang at magdusa kapag wala ka na

sa bawat ulan at luha
may luksang tangan ang iyong mga mata
bukas palad akong mag-aantay
sa pag-asang may darating na sikat pagkatapos ng amba

friend, ako’y andito lang…..
hoping, mayroon…..
till, lahat wala na…..
end, lang naman ang hudyat…..

am i too gay to function?

it may be the case but i don’t think so. am living the life i’ve always wanted, piquant lifestyle yet nonetheless happy. doesn’t it always invariably boils down to the happiness you obtain? or what matters is the estimate of the one you have? queer as i maybe but all things in my life are already plunked, boundaries and limits are there, yes a thing or two, juggle and stumble i can do coz that’s me picky! i work hard and party even harder, murder as it may seem for my self esteem but that’s how am trained and groomed. i manage myself as distinct as i can but affirms never to trample anybody’s fate, i densely credence that each individual has his own; way of thinking, expressing, adapting and interacting: i repute to that but i will whirr all i hank.

i guess not! am fairly unostentatious! serviceable as lathe machine! i have my working cogs codified! but why this emptiness? am i seeking what is cloaked? satiating the fact that not all things in life can be scoped and grasped. most of the times am in a wonder if my ruminations are still fathomable. reality bites, i know, but am not customizing the absurdity.

am happy i am gay and loving it to the core. the pulchritude of being queer is that, you have the essence; to cheer, to emulsify beauty from its existence, to mellow dissension, reach out to squandered soul and one update to that is transmogrifying metrosexuals having a havoc of their existence. hahaha! that i got from a friend of mine, truth be told, there are a lot of personality and behavior we have in this existence and some other are yet to be reconnoitered. maybe it’s a choice i’ve made but i have no qualms and dubiousness over the matter. i love me being me. am not one of the conundrums, they impose a very flamboyant lifestyle, ostentatious cogency and elaborate countenance but i don’t guarantee genuine personages behind! mask? yes! definitely, most gays i know have propensity to become such, but those aren’t my kind of proletariat. i may go my own way but its always on the nail, i may do several deputes but i make sure its pristine. genes and all that but am not conveyed to be who i am not!

vague yet prominent, don’t you think? maybe it’s how you perceive things, personally, life is what you make the most out of it. controlling your life ain’t a burden from GOD above, if you see it in a different level, actually is an unraveled gift.