meet Woody

Vettri has served me well my whole 2010. 

Kept me updated, focused and on time, well most of my appointments anyways. Tracked all of me, literally, the;

• unending and nerve-wracking expenses
• itineraries
• monthly bills
• addresses
• contacts
• birthdays of friends, relatives and foes - I know they're a must-have nowadays
• bible verses - I, a Christian needs my daily bread to keep me going
• quotes - that knocks me of my feet every once in a while
• passwords - of EVERYTHING! What can I do, I have a limited retaining power!
• even dates to name a few and crushes and sexual innuendos as well - that's inevitable!
• party schedules and venues -  especially those "wasted" times 
• heartaches - me, a certified prone-accident 
• Paluwagan - yes the moolah!
• must have's, make-up's, thingamajig's, gizmo's and gadgets
• dreams and aspirations -  these are to die for, believe me! 
• fave restos - I LOOOOVE eating
• Fashion shows and trends - Katigbak's Rogador's, Ibanez's, Peralta's, Arnaldo's, Herrera's, Floresca's and Eustaquio's them lines are so defiant and fabulous, you'll never go wrong. Galang, Paras, Yulo,  Castro, Capuchino, Lasala, Losa, Pineda, Tesoro and Reyes designs are radical and head-turner, whew! I can only imagine!
• "disposable" friends - of course, in this lifetime they never go out-of-style
• overtime at work - I work for moolah, live for moolah and party for moolah.

I mean everything, name it and Vettri was there, have it and provides it. My whole life depended on every pages he had but as all good things must come to an end so as 2010 would. Saying goodbye is such a bittersweet but the only way for me to go is forward. Savored the whole of 2010 with a bang together with Vettri. I maybe overly sentimental about the letting go but chances are he will be archived, remembered and treasured.

Thanks to a mentor and a dear friend, came Woody my 2011 soon-to-be buddy. Pages are still crisp and  fresh from print. I am so loving the dark hue but I first fell in love with Metal, big deal! Then I saw Woody's texture, man, that was some finishing! I loved it in an instant! 

Well my 2011 is about to start in a few jiffy and hopefully it will be a blast the same way it sky-rocketed 2010 for me. It has been a journey! I really can't complain and I won't. I've had my up's and dealt with the down's and looking back to them made me realize more than ever, 

I BECAME A BETTER PERSON

Enjoy 2011!!!

                             

RESTRICTED

At what point do you consider RESTRICTED in a certain relationship?


Is it the point where you can't make your own decision already or at the point where you stop growing as an individual? Does a petty "where you at" or a simple "have you eaten" maybe a nudging "who are you with" can that be considered as restrictions? For me it ain't!


BUT WHY?


I am in a relationship right now. Confused and bugged. I don't want to make mistakes. Don't encourage me with "have room for errors". I have suffered enough for this relationship to work. I want to make things smooth and perfect. Trial and error method is not feasible this moment in time.


BUT HOW?


I want to scream and shout. Time and again that all my past relationship are a blunder and failures. I want to make this relationship work and grow and prosper yet right now I am not sure if my methods are correct and superb and will make a fine tune for this partnership to spoke off. Is there something that I need to know?


BUT WHAT?


I am no perfectionist but I am a certified obsessive-compulsive bitch. Sorry and please excuse my French, not a saint here. I want to lessen, minimize and even eradicate all loopholes. Safe-protect that's my word not baby-proof my relationship but I don't know how and where to start. I am helpless. I am in turmoil and I know its impossible. Still I can try right. No harm over it. Or I 
could die trying.


Is there a book or a self-help for PERFECTING a RELATIONSHIP?

Tahimik

di na ako magtatanong
kung saan ka at sino ang kasama
kumain ka na ba o okay ka 
ayokong makasakal kaya tatahimik na


sana magawa ko ang lahat para sa'yo
masakyan ang gusto
masunod ang luho
mabigay ang nais mo


di man ikaw ang makita ko
marinig man lang ang boses mo
pipiliting wag mapaghanap
kalayaan mo ang tanging sikap


sana lang sa lahat ng ito
maalala mo ako
nasa likod mo
sa bawat pangarap na ibig mo

tanong

Gusto ko pa bang umiyak
Gusto ko pa bang magpakatanga
Gusto ko pa bang sumaya
Gusto ko pa bang maging kawawa


Mga tanong na pilit iwinawaglit pero kusang sasagi
Iwasan mo mang saglit ikaw pa din ang magagapi
Ayoko na
Tama na
Di ko na kaya
Pero bakit sa tuwina puso ko'y ikaw ang dikta


Kelan titigil ito
Kelan magkakaisip
Kelan magsasawa
Kelan mapapagod


Ang sagot ay di ko alam
Pilitin ko mang baguhin
Ito'y ukit na 
Nakamarka
Di na mababago pa
Ilaban ko man ito sarili ko pa ang kokontra


Bakit ngayon
Bakit ikaw
Bakit ako
Bakit ganito


Sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana
Pero sino ako sa mundong ito
Para pangunahan ang naisulat na
Kundi ang sumunod ng walang pagliko
Na tanggapin ang lahat 
Ayon sa dapat

Ok Lang Ako

By Parokya Ni Edgar Lyrics 

Sung by Regine Velasquez

AYoko ng malaman pa
Kung sino sya at kung saan ka nagpunta
Hinde na lamang tatanungin
Para hinde mo na kailangan pang umamin
OK lang ako
OK lang ako


Lahat ay aking gagawin
Pikit matang tatanggapin
Mas kayang masaktan paminsan minsan.
wag ka lamang mawala ng tuluyan


Maniniwala na lang ako
Sa lahat ng sasabihin mo
DI na kita kukulitin
Para din a kailangan pang magsinungaling
OK lang ako
OK lang ako




Lahat ay aking gagawin
Pikit matang tatanggapin
Mas kayang masaktan paminsan minsan
Wag ka lamang mawala ng tuluyan


Hinde ko kakayanin mawala ka sa akin
Kahit na magmukha akong tanga
Sa mata ng iba
Lahat ay aking gagawin
Pikit matang tatanggapin
Kung merong magtanong tungkol sa akin
Sabihin mo, ok lang ako
OK lang ako

http://www.hiplyrics.com/lyrics/ok-lang-ako-by-parokya-ni-edgar-lyrics.html

S T O P

Typical greetings that you get from a provincial settings is not a good morning or even how do you do?



I am GAY.


The place that I came from? The only category of people they know are two; a man and a woman, no in betweens and even sideways. Hurtful, damaging and sometimes detrimental. Here are few:

Faggot

                            Salot                                                    Bayot

Bading

                         Abnormal                                               Gaba

What a tantamount to start your early morning chores, right?

Growing up has been the most torturous and brutal of them all, even your 

family mitigated you for being such! A crime they considered most 

heinous and unforgivable. It brandished me as an outcast no one to turn 

to and no one to blame either. My only goal then was to free myself from 

that place and be out of that forsaken piece of earth. If my heart would 

be visible by now, it would be marked by such hateful surroundings and 

negatively-taught people.

Taunted and ridiculed! Some came from my teachers and some from
neighbors. If your voice came from pitchful C note, they converse in
language unimaginable and banish you from their sight. Once you
arabesque your fingers at a ballerina phase they shut you out just like
that!


A very small way of BULLYING but highly affects the persona in you. I
may have come to terms to it today but in a split second as I close my
eyes and think back? I re-live all those memories, etched and embossed
from my very core. Who hasn't been bullied and I guess the most ones
are, is US – third sex, human being, breathing in flesh and blood
sitting right beside you and you still don't know it! Funny how people
say things as WE ACCEPT YOU but then again it slips from them the pity,
the ridicule and the shame they feel for you.

We ain't dirty! We ain't impoverished and most of all we ain't sorry for
who we are!
                                                

I am a proud GAY man. I can shout it to the world. I belong to a very
different and unique genre of society that “normal” people keeps on
deciphering because they can't. We are unpredictable yet beautiful. We
are antithetic but talented. We are who we are and not ashamed of what
we are. And we are here to stay!


Definitely for good!


I wish the bullying stops from here. A breeding doesn't come from a
certain individual it is taught from birth, to adolescence and then to
maturity. I believe our family has half of what we are. Teachings and
provisions came from them. Deny all you want but getting accepted should
come from where your roots are.


The education on how bullying is stopped should come from our families.
Help us build a nation of people with moral grace and understanding and
love for one another. It ain't hard. 

When will this STOP? Just start from your family.  NOW.

come out

come out 
WHO ever you are



Why would you need to HIDE?
We are of the same color or haven't you noticed?
Blatantly if I would be judging you myself, the conclusion would still bounce on my lap.
No other claws would embrace you the way we will do.
And no other gossip would claver you the way queers will extradite you!




It hurts I know, and I should!
Been there and done that.
How would I not?
Bitten by reality and smitten by cold sad fact.
No other flesh would accede with the lifestyle we have.



Peculiar by nature, odd by influence.
Definite in actuation and sui generis in style.
That is who we are and we are by birth.
We are not of simpleton but a royalty in myrrh.


I cannot vehement of what we are made of.
But I can accentuate the sentience that we have is not banal.
Distinctively created by the Omnipotent, not to be average and typical but grandiose and purple.


You don't have to HIDE.
Flare things up.
Do what makes you happy.
Enjoy the life you live.
And most of all, never stop spreading LOVE less the disease if you don't mind!

The pulchritude of ZzZzZZZzzZs

I had gruesome days and had some pleasant ones! Sad fact but being on the gravey doesn't really get much of a treat when it comes to slumber parties and snooza-palooza! READ: in most days? We don't get any! 


Getting a good night's rest and following a regular sleeping schedule is an important part of maintaining both physical health as well as mental health. Yet as we need to make moolah and feed the younglings we disrupt this and irregularity of the pattern is always jeopardized. This is not for the weak hearts and frail health. Stamina and energy are your jewels when it comes to the inevitable! Others turn to supplements, some wants to go natural but some prefers instant remedy, tada! SLEEPING PILLS


Medical studies approved such medication. Quick question though, are they safe? Physicians agreed they are safe but psychologists disagrees since the effect is short term only and what they fear is the long term effect. 


Initially sleeping pills were the standard treatment for insomnia but nowadays they became the mainstream treatment for sleeping disorders. 


The most common are OTC sleeping pills, non-BZD hypnotic medications, BZDs and Sedative antidepressants. The OTCs contain antihistamines to induce drowsiness and are effective when used occasionally and does not require a prescription. Local drugstore sells Sominex, Benadryl, Tylenol PM, Advil PM, Nytol


Nonbenzodiazepine Hypnotic Medications needs to be prescribed and only used for short-term or occasional usage, designed to metabolize quickly to reduce side effects. As an insomnia treatment we have Ambien, Sonata, Lunesta, Zolpidem and Zopiclone


BZD(benzodiazepines) that includes Valium, Ativan, Xanax, Restoril, and Dalmane. BZDs promote sleep by depressing the neural activity of the brain and most effective for short-term insomnia because they reduce the time required to fall asleep, decrease the number and length of nighttime awakenings, and increase total sleep time compared to a placebo and it also work by causing amnesia so that we don't remember being awake during the night.


Sedative antidepressants may not be safe for pregnant or breastfeeding women and individuals with a history of heart problems, heart attacks, high blood pressure, seizures, hyperthyroidism, liver disease, glaucoma, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder but is a very effective medication in treating Insomnia and also offers a complete treatment for depression. Mirtazapine and Trazodone are a few that can be used.


And like any other drug they tend to be abused causing the disadvantages and side effects such as low dosages not working anymore to name a few: dry mouth, dizziness, prolonged drowsiness. Headaches, rash, nausea, vomiting, decreased sex drive, chest pains, lightheadedness, and abdominal pain. In addition, these drugs may cause severe allergic reactions, facial swelling and sleep behaviors such as sleep driving, sleep walking, and eating. Euphoria, episodes of amnesia, weakness, coordination problems, low blood pressure, blurred vision and liver failure. 


Personally, I don't like the taste of medicine: BITTER. Makes me even sicker and puke my inside out. So I always go for the natural remedies. I run a whole kilometer and if breathing allows, two to three more kilometers would sore your body up and a glass of milk does the trick. If possible avoid STRESS those are the blatant cause of sleeplessness. 




Source: 


http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleep-disorders/archives/insomnia_drjacobs_benefits_drawbacks_sleeping_pills.htm


http://www.epigee.org/sleeping_pills.html

Inner thoughts

Why do you get so feigned?


Even just the sight of his name will bring you untune and tears. Memories will dawdle by like a movie trailer. An esoteric sigh and a boxful of tissue will be the only comfort that you will have. Your heart will start to blame your mind and the mind will do the same. All thoughts deep-seated from the core will emerge and by the time you notice it, teardrops gently falls on your cheeks and another deep sigh will have you bristle into a different kind of laugh, sour, bitter and hurt!

You close your eyes and shoo the thoughts away but they just get so vivid and true-like that you can't push it away no more. You start to think of all happy endings but the bad and sad ones clouds them all away. Then you stare at nowhere hoping for recluse and then reality scours you and nudges you that it's just a dream. Nothing more and nothing less.


I hope this is just a phase that your heart and mind would think of him. Etched in memory and engraved in dreams, how will it be so easy when what you had divvy up were as fresh as you can grasp them right there and then. Fuck all the moments such as this. Wish you never had them all in all. They grip. They torture. They molest! They excruciate! 


Inner thoughts.

Fellatio

Let's talk about blowjob!


What? This ain't taboo no more! Straight or not! Everybody does it! And for the love of Backlum Chaam and Bastet, it's pleasure were talking here, not religion and polictics! And as far as I know, they don't mix well!


How to do it versus the normal oral care we do daily.


Plainly BJ defined is oral sex performed upon the penis. Simple and easy but the tricks of the trade has already been marginalized and developed to induce male orgasm and used as foreplay as well. Man does not live by bread alone, believe me, there are some stroking too every once in a while! That's what I heard!


The real deal is how to do it?


http://www.howtodothings.com/family-relationships/how-to-give-a-blow-job
I saw that site one time my naughty mind gets so Dora on me! Insightful? Yes! Not to mention funny and outrageous but came to realize that it does wonders. From the do's and the dont's to tips and suggestions. Doesn't kill to know right? At least you were forwarned and the next time you get in between those thighs, Oops. Excuse my French! Sorry, in between situations I mean, you know what to do and what to expect.


Dr. Margarita Holmes @ www.margaritaholmes.com can offer a lot of information about the TOPIC, nowadays I really don't care if this is a matter of taboo or a social ridicule or a laughing stock but I think its time to educate. That's the building block from ignorance. Learn!


See also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fellatio for more information but wait there's more a bonus to the side is a video and some references you can delve into. 

The moving on

You'll see remnants.
Bits and pieces.
Shadows.
Blur.

Want as you don't but it's there, lingering. Sometimes roughshod and hurtful but that's what remains after a sad ol' breakup. Even cry for a picayune song played over the radio. And you will realize the futile what-if's and maybe's that you should have done and had done but never came apodictic.

You want to get even.
You wish everything swingeing to happen.
You'll curse the day he was born.
And even stalk and pall the hell out of him.
But reality will bite and you will still CARE.

Had he seen your worth while the embraces were tepid? Did he even care while the moans were tender? What was his thoughts when the kiss was perfect?
Three questions out of the millions you draft are not even answerable by YES or a NO and the only thing that you can do is whisper it to the air hoping and praying that it will reach his ears and hear what he has to say.

Most of the times, you only want to hear what you want to hear. You select what you want to see. And you'll see yourself virulent and hurtful. So condescending but that's what happens, do correct me as I am still on that phase and stage.