Credentials

I should be happy yet am not.

It’s been two days since I lost my credentials due to a system glitch. Never have I thought that this would happen, peculiar as it may seem, this is the most radical thing that happened, ever! Tolerable, yeah but arguably, am a bit frustrated and getting tired.

I’m the type of person who is goal-and-results-driven. My mood swings from one ballpoint to the other in no particular reason when I don’t get what I want. Being ballistic is what am good at. Crazy, I know but it’s me, deal with it!

Yeah, yeah, it’s been escalated and all that but all I can do is very much wait till it’s been fixed and had been dealt with. My whole existence seemed lost and flushed to the drain at the same time. Don’t laugh and just be in my shoes, let’s see who would still be calm after all that has happened!

It’s not a bigger deal I know, yet I am after my stats, being here, right now, gives me chills and thrills, the support is as easy as breathing fresh air like egyptian cotton with 25 counts but beware of the metrics which is seemingly compared to the blows and roars of a dragon. Whew!

Others said be thankful that you’re out of the queue and you’re not taking in the load. What the effin’ status is that? BLoating? a BUM and at the same time FLOATING? I won’t afflict myself to that. I so very love my base and being on top of it is what am good at, so why now? Hmmm. Maybe just maybe things happen for a very good reason, a reason so vague I can’t even start thinking.

Pour over some thoughts, will you?

the mesh and the mash

would this be my 2010? 
a multitude of partying, non-stop gyrating and limitless booze?

am a bit tired of what has my life has turned into, did I make the wrong turn and all of a sudden my world has made a 360 degrees flip? Maybe i should redefine and align what matters most and what’s important. Right now, am feeling kind of lost in translation. Tight but not crucial.

Again, what’s happening?
All of a sudden am back at the crossroads, I thought I was past beyond that!

It’s all about sex.

As Michael Novotny said, it’s all about sex.

S      E       X     

Plain, simple and no hang-ups. Nothing more, nothing less. A big turn-off or maybe its just me and my big dream of a fairytale ending and happy ever after. A friend always reminds me, bars are not your relationship haven but hard-headed as I am, I still saunter and scrutinize. I should know better. I had the taste of my meds just last night; hot, hunky, tall and dark, what else could you ask for. Eyed him for several minutes and voila, dinner was served. And guess what was the first thing that he uttered, damn right it was, the formidable TOP or BOTTOM question. Hah! I know that was coming alright!

Can’t seem to fathom why is it hard to commit but for the sake of arousal and “itch” in a snap its a realism, odd how since if you’ll take it into consideration, one is life-long and the other is just ephemeral. Question: Are you born with it? Is there such a relationship-repelling-soul? And how would you know or gauge that you are that person? I know lot of couples, be it straight or gay battles a lot of issues, fight here, dustup there, I mean endless. I know for a fact they’re happy but scarring-wise haven’t figured out what is it that makes them stay and linger for good. I know some that only stages a flaunt of what seems to be a unique union but deep inside, hatred and fury entails the wedlock. I believe it smells bitterness up there but what can I do, been there and done it so far, counting all of them as blessings makes me curse the hell out of me.

I know am a drama queen, a charmed one and bitch molded into one, who would have ever guessed am a hopeless romantic….. but isn’t all of us? In more ways than one, we’re similar. Yet why does it still sting when unwrapped? Truth what they say that reality bites and snaps! Funny how qoutes try to dissemble out what you feel. It incurs you real hard. Many of us just shrugs but in corporealty it austerely injures us.

Nowadays, is it a crime to be such a hopeless romantic? In a gayman’s world is the only important essence of being a queer is getting laid and fucked? Intellectual aside, we know that the queendom is full of talented and gifted causal agent.

Cheers to getting laid!

First Date Mesh

Hitting it or hewning it.

 I guess that’s the big trademark of dating even before, straight and gay alike. But I am not here to give focal on our counterpart, we queer have already much dilemma in our hands to be devout on single straight people, no offense meant that’s all!

 I myself have been on just days ago, I kept on wondering how it takes all your time and strength from the preparation from top to toe physically and emotionally, not to mention the what-if’s and the maybe’s and toxicity of all first dates. As they say first impression lasts, and tell me they don’t I’ll beat you to pulp because they really do and they matter a lot.

 There I was, anxious and hesitant but I just went on anyway. What have I got to loose, right? But to my dismay I did lost something, my heart. No, no, no am not spoiling anything in fact I am just teasing. Want to hear more? Sure? No more begging here it goes.

 From all dates I’ve had he was the most irritating and ego-spastic hombre that I have been with, he did the talking ¾^Th of the time but I was not so sure why I fell in. We or he talked about everything and anything under the sun, basking from hobbies, lifestyle and even personal and intimate details. He was the most pessimistic and negative of all vetoes and I was swooshed to a trance and got hooked up. A thought came to me while we were tattling, opposites really do attract. That thought lingered and for a while I just cerebrated that maybe it’s a twist of fate. Nonetheless I am smitten.

 After all that was, I felt falling or so I mentated.

 Then there it came, two days and no hellos, judgment as it was, with all the responses and gestures, was I a deal maker or a breaker? It kept me thinking, what did I do that ticked him off. I replayed every conversation and upshots, what could have been so wrong that it made an impression so blackball that even a greeting nor a hate reply is so hard to commence. Can’t find any in fact maybe he was not just into me. Funny how it ended, I remembered a movie of the same title and most of the lines that were uttered were mostly true and definitive to what I have been through, while watching the movie I was like in hysterics as I never intellected for it to be true. Alas! It was! So real and apodictic it hurt. Rummaging from my collection, played the movie again and bam! There it is! This was just what happened and I figured out what he was talking about and I felt crying, after all as everything have been said and done what you can only do is learn from that horrid occurrence.

 Now am back on the bandwagon again. Single. Dating. Hopeful.

Knight in shining Prada

I have searched far and wide, lo and behold but to my might it was just an endless search and hopeless gestate. I stopped. Thinking it was just a waste of time. 

Who would have thought, it was still unrecluse. My Romeo came. Not what you have in mind though. He was there, in the flesh. With lips so subtle and skin so palatal, I could die right there and then. I thought I was dreaming, but then he kissed me, I was drowned with my own thoughts. Lord be it true or I may cause havoc for this man to be true.

Ding, ding, ding! THINK, THINK THINK. My heart was over my head again, not thinking straight, just focusing what was present and what was elusive. It was reachable but for how long, it lingered but just for a split second. I held tight but it wasn’t real. I tried grasping but it vanished to thin air.

Here’s what happened, literally; it was not a Snow-White-kinda-fairytale of course but won’t you let me be? This is the first, you know, a gay can only dream. Of course taken into consideration what really transpired yet let me do the talking…. a … a … not a word please….. oops! No buts…. let me finish……. hush!…. so settle okay?

There I was, a single gal, relieving the stress of the whole week there was, mind you, it was far more than that, if I could add but that would be a whole lot of a different story. So focus, here it comes. Laughter, fun, hysterics, Palawan 2 could be a home and a destination in one, it will ease your pain and let go of your sufferings even for one night only. The show went with much witticism. Loved it actually. As every good thing comes to and end, Voila! The disco went cognizant. Alive as my nerves are, this guy cruised me out and hunter as I am, checked him out as well. Cute, dark and mysterious, not your usual assemblage and me a sucker for dark and Orphic visage, went sparkly and jittery. At first it was my inner noesis that controlled every emotion bottled but my heart said let go, go for it, try and know him. So I exclaimed “nice tattoo” he was dressing this Angelina Jolie like prayer like encryption that hooked my eyes for a while.

We talked or so I thought or maybe the spirit of the drink inhabited me already. Naturally am a silent hag but when things get filled up my mouth does the thinking plus the talking and while we are it, I flirted, if you know what I mean. I know. I can be irresistible sometimes. Ha! You be the perfect creature, ego right? Hahahaha .

So there it goes, scuttlebutt here, flirt there again peach here, we were like all over the place. And as Cinderella’s clock ticked 4, he needs to go. I understood. My queer world already knew what to do. You can’t be caught dead by morning wearing a blue Escada and matching yellow Dela Renta right? So he flew and by that we exchanged digits and all. Me? Single and dateless as I am, went home. Alone! What? You thought I’d be fucking my brains out? Na-ah! I am that easy to get but I play it hard to be in bed, if you know what I mean. I am but a horny queer but am an advocate of safe sex so it’s still a compliment when I go home alone, happy and satisfied with all the partying and flirting!

And then snoring followed…….. I am but wasted and all that, so dahlin’ please let me sopor, okay? 

Singapore White Chicken

Hear ye, hear ye! Binge mode ahead!

Yesterday while I was walking from work, I happen to pass by this new stall right by Shopwise in Araneta Centre. Singapore Chicken, pretty fly I guess since the Lion City ain’t a new word here in the Metro, been hearing a lot from that beautiful and expensive city. Yet this ain’t about that city but the food that they offer on that new hub.

White Chicken, a very delicate and yet a very fine dish. Boiled chicken, so you never have to worry about calories and fats due to frying. The aroma was just so sweet it was so enticing. It was paired up with a chili paste and minced ginger. That I really thought was a bit outrageous at first but boy oh boy did they have me so wrong! Talk about the bursting flavor in your mouth, damn it was so fantastic, very delightful and oh so flavorful! Matched with a cupful of rice cooked in coconut milk, I hesitated at first since milk and me doesn’t go that well, I am lactose-intolerant so being cautious is what I do best. A grumble ain’t good so am aware of it.

The dish? It was 96% good, very good, we will leave them a room for improvement, won’t we? The service? I’ll give it 74%, they ain’t that accommodating, they serve, they greet and that’s what should be expected, a lot of work needed to their manpower, excuse my French but that’s how I see it, sorry pun not intended

For me, tasting the White Chicken was like a very exotic trip, I never thought that it would be that yummy and flavorful that I promised to go back and try the Laksa which is a noodle dish but with zest and tang! It was very Asian, very deep and sultry for a food. I loved it and enjoyed it!

So if your in for some difference, try the Singapore Chicken hub and try it for yourself, a treat! Same as  me, I got hooked and am cruising them again for another delicious dish!!!

Einstein

Young.Adventurous.Funny.Slow.Talkative.Elusive.

Wish me the best of luck! Might want to toss a leprechaun coin while you’re at it! Thanks!

That’s my boy! Literally, a boy at eighteen, hopefully am not gonna be trafficking an underage. Well I guess not! Bad thing is that, he’s freakin’ straight and no plans of getting to the other side. I tried pushing but ain’t an easy task. I wish it can be that easy. Yes you can wish me luck but who knows. Seemingly not afraid to take risks and goes all out. Never afraid of anything. Jovial and humorous but has his own pretty little world, comes slowness as he engulfs his own brethren, I won’t comment further as it may trigger other stuff. He talks, talks and talks and talks. I respond. He talks, talks and talks and talks. I nod. He talks, talks and talks and talks. That’s the usual conversation but I guess we compliment each other, me being the audience and him being the showman, quite an odd pair, right?

The last part is the most dramatic I’ve been and have dealt with it eversince. Our relationship is the kind of thing that really doesn’t exist. We agreed to agree that it would be US but no commitment. Found it hard to accept but the latter got me thinking, I had a lot of relationship all of which were bound and tied with commitment and all that shenanigans, name it, been there and done that. But this setup, new as I’ve mentioned, quite catched me by surprise. Not expecting to come out from an 18-year old, toddler in terms of relationship thingamajig yet there it is, dawned and puzzled as I am, went for it. I’ll just think about it afterwards but right now, I am happy. And I guess that’s what matters most, right?

T H A N K Y O U

YOLANDA DAVANTES MIRA

Sa hirap, pagod and puyat while conceiving me. The labor and the pain pushing me out of this world. Best of all raising me with all your might. You are the bestest MOM ever. Saludo ako sa’yo!

It’s my 28th year and today marks the spot.

Time Management

This kills me! But who isn’t? Commitments, appointments, due dates, rush hours and even falling in love. Huh? Yeah, it isn’t a typo? Nope,  love is included. Why not?

More often than not, you might as well wish for a time machine and time space warp. That’s why I love lingering on dreams and be an anime of course, since you get to imagine what you can do and what might have been and be granted opportunity! Well, we can only muster all efforts.

If only. 
A very powerful assuming line.

But we need to face reality as it will only exhume and consumpt you even more.

Fact? We are in a time pressured environment, although free movement is allowed, the time to breathe, think and act are so vividly counted and shortened that in a matter of seconds, we could only blink and then it’s gone, FOREVER! All you have left are memory and sometimes even dust.

In my line of work, you are lucky if you get to sleep four straight hours without interruption. After that, you can wish a magic lamp to fall on your lap and for a genie to come out to hand you a sleeping elixir. It’s that hard. Lying down is easy, counting sheep gets too tiring and outdated. Drinking milk gets me spasm and upset stomach.

Living in a frenzy metro such as Manila, distorts you, I mean your life, the way you live it, love it and deal with it. Even how you project your life altogether gets altered because of time. In a snap, it comes around and never gets back around not like Karma, I hope a good one at that!

Such a highway to hell but for me, this is the good life. A very good life. 

10 to top - Break up lines…. nah, this is still the usual crap!!!

Lame? Yeah I know, it’s been there and all have done it already but in anyway you say it Top 10 will always be top ten. It’s just a matter of a make or a breaker thing that makes it cute and funny.

Here’s my firstborn.

Oh yeah you did! Jeez! A simple “it’s not working” or “I don’t like you” would have sufficed but due to its blatant after effect, literary geniuses came up with lots of dustup to evince the message itself. Euphimism some call it but in so many ways you come up to it and say “THE” word. You just can’t help it but cry and wallow. You’ve been dumped for crying out loud! Of course it will sting.

1. 
   
   It’s not you, it’s me! 
2. 
   
   I am not yet ready! 
3. 
   
   I am not into relationship!
4. 
   
   I have fears that I need to overcome!
5. 
   
   I am waiting for someone!
6. 
   
   I need space and time.
7. 
   
   We have our differences.
8. 
   
   I don’t deserve you.
9. 
   
   You are so perfect for me.
10. 
    
    I need to mature on my own.

See what I mean, go excogitate!