You don’t know- a song so close to my heart

You said goodbye
Tearing my world apart
I felt so numb
Not knowing not believing
That our love was a fuss
That we could never be one
I gave everything that I could give

Chorus

You don’t know how it feels to be loved
To be touched by an angel
Be swept away
You’ll never know just what it means
When you made me believe that love is real
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com 
And this could be forever
You’ll never know how it feels to love

I’ll never knew that we could end this way
But I thank you for sending me on my way
My way

I’ll never knew that we could end this way
But I thank you for sending me on my way
My way

Food galore!

I am a food enthusiast. 

I shop, scout and scowl for great finds and discounts. Specially with gastronomical delights, always count me in if you will savor a new out-of-this world dish. My mom always say if you can't read it, then most probably you won't be able to eat it. But regardless, I go for the extreme. You'll never know if you haven't tested and tasted it. 

Papaitan

I cursed the day I even ordered this! The first time I went here, probinsiyano as I am, really did not know other delicacies and specialty up North even down South, all am familiar are Waray and Visayan masterpieces. 

The Right kind of Wrong

here is an excerpt from an infamous song on an infamous movie I love watching over and over….. seriously, the title is a bit exaggerated but the thing of the apple is, that’s the truth!

*-*-*-*-*

I know all about your reputation And now it’s bound to be a heartbreak situation But I can’t help it if I’m helpless Every time that I’m where you are You walk in and my strength walks out the door Say my name and I can’t fight it any more Oh I know, I should go But I need your touch just too damn much Loving you, That isn’t really something I should do I shouldn’t wanna spend my time with you ya Well I should try to be strong But baby you’re the right kind of wrong

It might be a mistake, A mistake I’m making But what your giving I am happy to be taking Cause no one’s ever made me feel The way I feel when I’m in your arms They say your somethin I should do without They don’t know what goes on When the lights go out There’s no way to explain All the pleasure is worth all the pain I should try to run but I just can’t seem to ‘Cause every time I run you’re the one I run to Can’t do without what you do to me, I don’t care if I’m in to deep

*-*-*-*

pretty deep huh? but do digest the words, you’ll love it!

Maudlin Life

Vast opportunities were given to me but am just picky-peculiar of thrashing them all away. I have been a complaint-addict about things in life and those that are happening to me or better yet affecting me literally, but all I do is nod and let them pass by as a drift.

I have dreamt of a gleaming life, thoughts in clarion enough to suffice every wants and needs I could possibly think of. But to my dismay all are such in a diminutive aspect that it troubles with a slightest bit of Midas’s Touch, BAM! Disaster strucked!whew! I am already tired but who am I to congest the very reality, vividly flagged to my existence.

How I wish I am ingenue, flaired and spared of all the impurities that life brings, laughter and fun always there to comfort all the mood swings that triggers up most of the time! Vile huh? Sadly true! Not all things in life are perfected to craft all the event we expect them to turn out to be!

Earlier I was so happy of the feeling and thought that someone out there meant for me and met him actually in the flesh, as the fluttering girls would consider such turn-out as the man of their dreams. I did! But when you over-analyze things out, it vaguely shows a condescending maturity of the matter. Am really not sure or if ever I will believe on a spark like this really exist, or maybe it’s just one of those spur of moments you tend to cover-up all the negativity that sometime soon all will be a positive conjure to lifes possibilities.

Am I complicating a very simple thought? Things that are beyond my concern and knowledge but the fact that every film role that my life injects, blatantly makes up the big finale, flopping out of the blockbuster list.

I don’t have anyone to talk to but this pen on my hand and the sloppy notes infront of me. As I slowly drizzle the words to this monopoly, I mobbed a question, who can understand what I have inside, was it the things I said? Was it the gestures I gesticulated? Or the actuations I blurted out? Maybe his friend doesn’t like me, that would explain a great deal though, that was his best friend after all and you could count times they were together compared to me just hours or so.

Plaintiff gate crashing maybe is the word. Mind you it hurts knowing that you have hoped positively on the relationship that you are starting and investing and realizes all were just false pretenses and scam.

I wanna cry but I can’t, am donned with a heavy concealer to hide away the pain, but still it emanates through my very core. Mishap and misfits alike, I really thank GOD for this opportunity that HE bestowed, not every day that you’ll get to met a person apart from you liking him, vice versa entails out.

I know its always me, corrupting a clean slate of thoughts to a thrashy posse.

Porcelain Vase

Things are never fair So as life that makes everything go round its base Perfection beyond compare Maybe equality has summoned down to existence Now I know cruelly at its finest, am a judge for everything I see and observe and never on my drift that I would fall into the same pit. 

Cliche huh? 

I should have realized but too little too late, falling is inevitable. Here I go again, when will I ever learn? I guess never! Sad! Am all scarred and barren but nothing ever comes to place. I’ve already tried contemplating events over events but still, not even a sense knocks me dead, pitiful mistake. I don’t wanna overanalyze things as they have happened and am sure it will always occur as recur yet desperation still envelopes me. Am I really that desperate? Yeah. I guess I am! But who would have suggested that the only people that would captivate his heart are monarchy and not low-lives! Am I such a junk only good for friends et.al?

I’ve already perfected the craft of friendship, been there, done that and a true blue friend I have become to all of my chums but I need more than that, friends gives a different smile and happiness but a lover in love is a factor I need most. Sigh! Well, things are never always on your side, now I realized you can control all things around you but if it would involve feelings and behaviors from a living cell, I doubt if I can surpass without a shrink’s advice. A friend once told me whatever makes me happy go! But how about if the party involve bluntly doesn’t want affection emanating from your end and worse LOVE. Am not the blame tame kind but am just very truthful of what I think and feel, is that wrong? hmmm, maybe yes! 

Judgemental and all that but creepy tale that every so often this hardly is a life that keeps on having a pattern of mistakes. Will I ever learn? When? Absolute me please! Am already tired, flexed and vexed but still am in the midst of emptiness. Bum me if you like. However on the other hand, maybe the problem is picking the individual? to have a life with? is that the case? I will be defying truth to myself if I will let illusion cloud everything I believe is right and would just nod and smile. 

God created me as a nuisance to people around me, which friends find me annoying in a good sense and kind of way. Practically I know what to do but just dumb to follow and hard-headed to digest truth. Hard as it may seem but am happy inside and out. What will I choose? Mind over heart? Heart over mind? Coz if luck would prevail who won’t be happy and eternally grateful, right? But as what they say “if there’s a will, there’s a way” yet in every aspect it would commence, the decision still not yours, but to the other half of the equation also.

state of nugatory

hollow

idle

untenanted

desolate

barren

Patches of words that proliferates my being, right now, this minute at this instant.

Am happy but its meaningless
in a saddest phase at the same time whirred
on tenterhooks despite am freneticWhy?

Three-letter word that besets my thoughts, enthralls my worried mind and heave my world apart. I tried the search but in any way I can, it’s unfathomable! Even extol my efforts yet unopulent. I may not have a brilliant mind but I do use it once in a while, a friend once told me a head on your shoulder is not just a blueprint, either use it or exploit it, either way it’s healthy! But why? Have I set a standard unrealistic for my own purpose?

No biggie as they say, but in one way or the other, is affecting all your integral.

In as much that you covet it to be as a decision, the only catch is that you have two assortment: be happy or be otherwise. Life is not that complicated, just brimming with choices that are sometimes beyond our comprehension, though given yet incompassable at times. Behavior management says my Psychology prof, way over the years, it got me thinking and yes, it makes a lot of difference if you choose your insight wisely. If you’ll allow anxiety to get, bet your ass over it and will surely procure you naturally.

A friend once acquainted me it’s just a matter of emotional governance, as it dictates what you think, feel and do. Do you agree? I don’t quite acquiesce, for some people I think it would apply but on my case, no. It can affect but not totally decree on your ways of thinking, yet a lot of friends I know gets ruled by their emotions before sagacities that compels their better judgment. It transpires, that’s why GOD structured heart and mind on different level so as no intervention or dictatorship over-injunct the system those two are made to function for.

Funny thought just gainsaid; TO EACH HIS OWN, simple yet powerful, right? And so profound if I may add!

Got verdict? Wear your decision!

Goodbye, England Rose!

Finally, closure! Sweet words for others wanting out of a relationship, but a worst nightmare for the devote and true.

Take me for an example, loving a person so deep and true (to think this is for the 2nd time around now) has not led me to awaken of the tryst I’ve deluded myself with. I guess mending a heart takes a lifetime or so but if that happens are you still whole coming out? Am just not sure if that only happens for a usual relationship, mine is unthinkable, straight-gay coordination, although a pretty sight for some, but never true and not that simple. So hurting deep inside.

But I guess all things come to a halt when all fails and all is said and done, sad huh? Probably will, some others are devastated apparently, that’s the truth! According to a friend; when you enter to into some venture that pertains heart, probably 98% of what exudes you tends to believe that a “forever” is annotated on that, question: do everything last? I mean all relationships that I’ve known on the sailboat am in, are all fling and flirtations, the caravan has it hi-hello-goodbye are in such craze right now, how can a person say an I-Love-You waking the next day the person gone? Well can’t really tell, maybe am saying the words coz I’ve never been to a relationship that involved a lusting acknowledgement.

anxious: falling-in-love

A lot of people is so gung-ho to fall in love. Especially my essences. My friends for one, cavils all frustrations they get from their adored one, two: my kindreds although happily enamored snivels all the circumventions they get.

a lot of WHY’s bedevils me?

But mostly unanswered, I mean, is learning from experience out-dated already? Maybe it’s with how things never happen the same way twice, point taken I know, but isn’t it absorbing the orb already so you won’t be in the same mesh?

Whew! Is it love they’re discerning or it’s just lechery? One way or the other, the boon is maybe that exquisite since they frolic to another relationship after ending the most recent proffer they have. I maybe judging from a one-sided view and please emend, thank you but that’s what’s cropping up nowadays, a friend once told me; it’s just picking up pieces where they left them. True I guess, for some but not germane for all, right?

The question is to wait or not to!

The twiddling one’s thumb is a risk, might end up searching for the barley that was purveyed to you on the first few yards of your junket. Sequel to that is inculpating yourself, denying yourself of the happiness and what not! Fact: not all dingus can be scored, human as we are, gets mercenary one way or the other. It’s inevitable. On my end? Probably I won’t look for it nevertheless I’m not gonna gape at and hunch out every Dick and Harry that I’ll meet, if you know what I mean.

I know its perilous but who am I to argue, maybe it’s faith but I prefer stubbornness. If pride is on your wits, na-ah, a big NO, NO! I know where my ovation lies and its still, I have no intentions of going overboard and besides, its not my call, I do believe that every human being is delicate, la-di-da and sui generis, especially the behavior as what GOD crafted them to be. You can only influence, dictate and boss around but the decision still lies with every individual as he thinks and feels deifferent from your point, I may have a different view from you right now as you peruse this aide-memoire, right? Case to case basis, for short!

We won’t be sobriqueted “individual” if we don’t have a certain bias over others, nailed?

BED

sadly it ended at the strike of 1am, guess Cinderella wasn’t the only one in the nick of her time, huh?  so we continued the soiree at O, it was raining guys, gays and gals alike, damn! it’s a thursday yet the scene was gorgeous, lovely even! but despondent as it may seem, shit happens when you least expects them. well if it trembles to happen, can’t do otherwise. then again am just happy, mi chico was there to spoil and toil the moment, not in a good way for me but it was for the good of the both of us. you know me and my usual bratty self defying grips.

ta-ta

team ZOMBIE has been evanesced and each of us were bifurcated into different team, am with Montgomery now. But the laughter and the kinship will always be treasured, forever! au revoir!!!

banishment from the sisterhood: am doomed for eternity, why O why can’t I have the weekends off? am I a desolate and grief-stricken lad apt to be drooped from this entanglement? please, please, please!I  love the sisterhood!

confessions of a paramour

 my boo, toto, revealed his love for me, and I am to him.

love really has it ways on us, you’ll never get charmed nor endowed. all restrictions and hesitations you have, will just perish, and what will matter is the sincere appreciation of what love has to offer. maybe the beattles were right after ” all you need is love”.