Maudlin Life

Vast opportunities were given to me but am just picky-peculiar of thrashing them all away. I have been a complaint-addict about things in life and those that are happening to me or better yet affecting me literally, but all I do is nod and let them pass by as a drift.

I have dreamt of a gleaming life, thoughts in clarion enough to suffice every wants and needs I could possibly think of. But to my dismay all are such in a diminutive aspect that it troubles with a slightest bit of Midas’s Touch, BAM! Disaster strucked!whew! I am already tired but who am I to congest the very reality, vividly flagged to my existence.

How I wish I am ingenue, flaired and spared of all the impurities that life brings, laughter and fun always there to comfort all the mood swings that triggers up most of the time! Vile huh? Sadly true! Not all things in life are perfected to craft all the event we expect them to turn out to be!

Earlier I was so happy of the feeling and thought that someone out there meant for me and met him actually in the flesh, as the fluttering girls would consider such turn-out as the man of their dreams. I did! But when you over-analyze things out, it vaguely shows a condescending maturity of the matter. Am really not sure or if ever I will believe on a spark like this really exist, or maybe it’s just one of those spur of moments you tend to cover-up all the negativity that sometime soon all will be a positive conjure to lifes possibilities.

Am I complicating a very simple thought? Things that are beyond my concern and knowledge but the fact that every film role that my life injects, blatantly makes up the big finale, flopping out of the blockbuster list.

I don’t have anyone to talk to but this pen on my hand and the sloppy notes infront of me. As I slowly drizzle the words to this monopoly, I mobbed a question, who can understand what I have inside, was it the things I said? Was it the gestures I gesticulated? Or the actuations I blurted out? Maybe his friend doesn’t like me, that would explain a great deal though, that was his best friend after all and you could count times they were together compared to me just hours or so.

Plaintiff gate crashing maybe is the word. Mind you it hurts knowing that you have hoped positively on the relationship that you are starting and investing and realizes all were just false pretenses and scam.

I wanna cry but I can’t, am donned with a heavy concealer to hide away the pain, but still it emanates through my very core. Mishap and misfits alike, I really thank GOD for this opportunity that HE bestowed, not every day that you’ll get to met a person apart from you liking him, vice versa entails out.

I know its always me, corrupting a clean slate of thoughts to a thrashy posse.