Porcelain Vase

Things are never fair So as life that makes everything go round its base Perfection beyond compare Maybe equality has summoned down to existence Now I know cruelly at its finest, am a judge for everything I see and observe and never on my drift that I would fall into the same pit. 

Cliche huh? 

I should have realized but too little too late, falling is inevitable. Here I go again, when will I ever learn? I guess never! Sad! Am all scarred and barren but nothing ever comes to place. I’ve already tried contemplating events over events but still, not even a sense knocks me dead, pitiful mistake. I don’t wanna overanalyze things as they have happened and am sure it will always occur as recur yet desperation still envelopes me. Am I really that desperate? Yeah. I guess I am! But who would have suggested that the only people that would captivate his heart are monarchy and not low-lives! Am I such a junk only good for friends et.al?

I’ve already perfected the craft of friendship, been there, done that and a true blue friend I have become to all of my chums but I need more than that, friends gives a different smile and happiness but a lover in love is a factor I need most. Sigh! Well, things are never always on your side, now I realized you can control all things around you but if it would involve feelings and behaviors from a living cell, I doubt if I can surpass without a shrink’s advice. A friend once told me whatever makes me happy go! But how about if the party involve bluntly doesn’t want affection emanating from your end and worse LOVE. Am not the blame tame kind but am just very truthful of what I think and feel, is that wrong? hmmm, maybe yes! 

Judgemental and all that but creepy tale that every so often this hardly is a life that keeps on having a pattern of mistakes. Will I ever learn? When? Absolute me please! Am already tired, flexed and vexed but still am in the midst of emptiness. Bum me if you like. However on the other hand, maybe the problem is picking the individual? to have a life with? is that the case? I will be defying truth to myself if I will let illusion cloud everything I believe is right and would just nod and smile. 

God created me as a nuisance to people around me, which friends find me annoying in a good sense and kind of way. Practically I know what to do but just dumb to follow and hard-headed to digest truth. Hard as it may seem but am happy inside and out. What will I choose? Mind over heart? Heart over mind? Coz if luck would prevail who won’t be happy and eternally grateful, right? But as what they say “if there’s a will, there’s a way” yet in every aspect it would commence, the decision still not yours, but to the other half of the equation also.