Gay Straight Men vs Straight Gay Men

During one of the marathons of Sex and the City with Carrie Bradshaw, I can’t stop thinking how is it possible? But I guess it is. Have we cropped already and they are in the midst of us? How is it possible?

Gay straight men. Defined as men that has an enhanced feminine side of personality, the sensibility of a woman in the mirage of a man, with the eloquence and grace of a femme in the muscles and physique of an Adonis while the other is a truly developed and a personality that has truly embraced the fuchsia and the velvet hues, how would I not know, am one of the legionary.

Now that’s been cleared up, it’s so hard to visualize how can it happen or better yet how can that develop? Not that it’s impossible as I have come to realize that in this day and age, everything is perfectly possible, from human cloning to advanced gadgetry, name it and you’ll have a patent on it already. Yep! All true, not just the usual crap. No need to dissect the straight gaymen, am a living example and a lot others I know. So let’s focus more on gay straight men, odd and peculiar in ways more than one, actually this is the first time that I have pondered on the thought not that it’s a in a million

With all Gucci, Balenciaga and Dior in front of us, flaunting the very fashion that every men should be wearing nowadays, locally thanks to Folded and Hung, Bench and Topman that introduced the runway mode of dressing. Is it Martha Stewart or Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum? But whatever the reasons are, it’s conglomerating like a pandemic. Are we evolving or simply devolving? But exponentially, come to think of it, hasn’t it been the mode of todays generation? Maybe it’s evolution or maybe just a trend. Personally I won’t shell on the trend, it goes in and out and in some other ways they fade but evolution on the other hand grows and simply stays, sometimes its for good that even attracts others as well.

I guess it is a choice, an option to make when things are already in front of us, when we figured who we really are. But with all the phase we’ve grown to, I can’t seem to fathom how in the world did that mesh up?

So tiring and confusing.

Who are you?

A question quite intriguing even to the most learnt man. You may never know a person unless he reveals who he really is. He can portray a different persona but acts differently in more ways than one. Yeah you may say a bipolar or even schizophrenia but whatever tag it is it would still be the assonant as the psychosis may be the same and dangerous in some peculiar ways. Could we take it against them? I mean if it would be absolution who are we calling straight or gay nowadays? According to the Bible, we are created equally in His image and likeness but just a thought, does He think the way we do now? I don’t think so! It would be so irreverent to get into a gaymans mind. Ha! Don’t even dare to scan my thoughts, lazar!

Who is straight and who is not. Who is gay and who is not. Damn if we all know what tag to use and what not to.

Do more. Be more. / December 22, 2009

How?
Gut feel?

I can’t, feels like something is restricting what I want and need to do. All of these ideas, hope I can put them to good use and make money out of it. They just swing out of nowhere and poof, gone! Not even saying goodbye and creeps the hell out of me. Maybe there is still something out there for me, I can feel it but am too hopeless to try and make it out. I want to be somebody but why does it feels like you’re being pulled out from where you are standing, they say positive thinking follows an act yet in so many ways am trying to, it doesn’t seem to fall into my grasp. I want to believe in my abilities, others, believe in it and tried it but why not me? Am I incapacitated? Am I not enough? What do I need to do to boost my confidence, what I really thought is, am there to that level of being what I can be but in the midst of fear I sulk and mitigate my own self and dropping myself into this pit of nonsense. Here I am again. Not knowing what to do, I hope my sibling is here to talk to, just a talk, a simple talk that is, I miss her. Really miss her.

I feel like am choking and I have nowhere to go. Suffocating and realizing what a fool am trying, to figure out things, to ponder and evaluate things out but seems like nothing is coming through. It might sound assuring, the looks and the aura but don’t let that fool you. I planned to soar high. Not even lifting myself from the ground, I already calculated risk. Is that fair and just? Other said try to cross the bridge when you get there. On the other hand if the bridge is not made of sturdy material, what do I need to bring, what do I need to do, what are the consequences that I will take before that crossing? I know, paranoid am I, huh? Why, why, why, why? Do I really need to be like this? Jumping to conclusion, elaborating a well laid plan and executing them at the right time and place. I get bored when all I see is simple, I get bored not thinking and complicating things out. What in the world do I need to do? I promised myself that I will change this but lo and behold am stuck again with the same ways and even cunning to my very own self, I cheat. I make myself believe. A friend told me not to think twice. Don’t stick with the plan. Let things happen in their own pace. Breathe. Relax. I can’t. Again why? Why is it so hard for me to let go? I can’t believe that on my reaping years, yes I am 27, I am still a stuck up. A nobody. A joke. But a beautiful joke that is. I am tired. Why can’t it be? Why can’t I be like others?

I remember once this interview I had, I thought I had it, in the bag, plan fully laiden, well executed and articulated. Bingo! Result came, not even the tenth of the list had I made it. Ouch! It hurt, crazy, like hell hath no fury. So I let go, by that I mean 3 months tops. I recovered. Hence another opportunity came, made some calls and got one. I planned to let go, let loose, not thinking about it, letting it fly. The other time it failed, I made things platonic and scripted, in short well-rehearsed. This time, extemporaneous and out of the box. Boom! Same thing! Now what did I do? In both ways I failed. How? What should I do? And you know what, the sad part is, you really felt that it was yours and by the very end of it, it fell out of reach. Why? Never have I imagined how powerful “why” is up until now.

I know I can but why?

Help please.

p.s.

I am just beside you, asking again, WHY? And again, WHY? (end credits till fade, soft piano is heard.)

High Fashion. High Maintenance.

How in the world do I attract such magnitude?

I am but a simpleton. I don’t have any figures to boast but I end up with these beautiful creatures. In every sense of it, is what I mean.

Take Guy#1 a European jetsetter, traveling around the world as well as the local scenery and just “spinning it”; I guess he’s what you call a royalty with a twist. Met him at a bar on a Friday night, shared a dinner or two, had some crazy, clean and fun nights! Awesome! I couldn’t ask for more and up till now we ring and wire messages, sweet nothings and all as he wants to slow things down as he is battling his own “demon”. Funny for me but I respect where he is coming from. Settled? Oh yeah, as I’ve said I couldn’t ask for more.

Here comes Guy#2 a celebrity, primadonna and stylista. My kind of concerto that is. I like him and that’s all that ever matters “but” he’s born with a silver spoon, yep! You read it right, out of my league if you’ll ask me yet as I was enchanted with his charms, he was so down to earth in an ethereal kind of way and he was simple in an imperial subtle way. He may not have a Midas’s touch but in all the time I’ve been talking to him it spelled grandeur and magnificence. I am no Princess Di if that’s the realization am about to ponder. Would it just be a fiction like the Lady and the Tramp in the light of Love? I think I am falling in love and that’s all that matters.

Too early to tell on what will happen next. I don’t want to hope as I have walked on that same hadj before and was badly hurt and beaten.

To hope or not to. Would I have a “happily ever after”?

Gateway’s SuperBowl of China / November 4, 2009

Eating has been one of the pleasures that I enjoy most. Savoring the dish from your lips then to your taste buds, hmmm, its’ just simply amazing. Sensing its aroma then enjoying the burst of herbs and spices, my, my, my so delectable! But never have I guessed that a welcoming smile and great customer service would be one of the factors you’ll get to satisfy your food cravings as well.

Being fond of their Assorted Seafood Rice, which is priced very affordable by the way, I snapped and visitedSuperBowl due to my rumbling stomach. Boy was I greeted with a nice smile, a point that other restos do, so give me a break. And then I was guided and seated, was given a bowl of crunchies that am not fond of but a friend of mine loves eating at Big Buddha in Greenbelt because of that munchies. Funny I can hear his laugh in between bites. LOL! The part where I was supposed to be left alone and sulk to death (just exaggerating! Don’t worry!) The nice lady broke the silence and excused, me on my bitchy mode was gonna slap here and say awful stuff, I refrained as she was wearing this very nice smile melting all my worries away, and took my order.

Fast and orderly they served the food, famished as I am, devoured the dish in one go, what? I told you I am hungry. Does not take physics and all that trajectory to define hunger, right? But nonetheless I still savored the rich, thick sauce, covering the veggies and assorted seafood bits. And actually enjoyed every crunch and bite I did on my meal.

Quick as they respond, me not even lifting a thumb, they refilled every consumed red ice tea that I gulp down and best of that, they check on you on a very polite and respectful manner fit for a queen, I am not but at that point in time, damn did I feel royalty!

Me as a picky-hard-to please-not-gonna-wait-in-line consumer, I will give them a 9 out 10, what? no more areas of improvement, I doubt that! Yet what matters is that, in all of the establishments that I frequent to, SuperBowl would be one of them from now on. Not only you will enjoy their food, the service I got was beyond I can imagine.

So the next time you’re in for a treat why not visit them at the 3rd floor of the Gateway Mall, Cubao, QC

ciao to indulgence!

Auction: Invitation to Bid / November 6, 2009

“I will wait”

Do you know how many times I have verbiaged this word already? Twice and still counting. Is this my destiny? To wait and wait and wait……to the nth?

Or maybe am just fooling myself, leading to believe that everything will come to its course, let it be, as they say. Yet its so frustrating putting your love on the line and holding it down just so the person you’re alloting it with may come to his senses and finally sweeps you off your feet. Lame! I mean, yeah its feasible but up until when? They say if you are in love, it holds no bounds specially time and tide itself. I can wait, really I can. That’s an easy thing to do but up until when would be the question at hand. I maybe happy and jovial all the time, yet my eyes won’t hide the cold freezing lonesome nights.

It’s not particularly the wait that am wearing myself out, it’s the heartache and the longing of not being with the person you love. They say true love can wait, silly how it commenced! In what way not suffocating would the wait be? Because in time you’ll get the feeling of being left out,  unloved and unwanted. Admit it, us queers, if that happens, would think of the crown and the glory and the only question that you’ll ask is “Am I that fugly?”  I know! I asked!

What would I do? or will do?
Life is a bitch, we know Blair Waldorf is!

Bitter and all that but I guess if you’re the one in-love, you have no other way but just to love and wait. It may be the end of it yet time can only tell. Angry, frustrated and hopeless as you are nonetheless you felt it, it was there, even for a second, it was real and if you’ll get back to that feeling, that fleeting moment, the happiness was intangible and priceless.

Well, would anybody point me to the bus stop please?

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

it’s been long overdue.
It’s been repeated gazillion ambages.
It’s been re-iterated a million times over.

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

Simple.

Yet a very hard deed to comply. Specially Filipinos, read: a race of vast culture, mixed ideologies and differences, I know I am, I AM A FILIPINO, in words and in deed and am not here to beat up and degrade my existence, I am a proud member of my herrenvolk if I may say so, am just stating a blunt fact. Hard to consider but that’s what it is. Why is it always we make it a point to clutter? The world has already seen the havoc that a detritus can muster. Are we still not tired of trashing the planet? This is not a patois. Blah. blah. blah. blah. I know, irritating right? But when are we going to start? I do believe, it’s now or never. EVER. It’s like preaching and no one is listening. Do we still need another cataclysm to trigger the need for us to start NOW? I don’t think so, most of us already suffered, lost and some even died. Sad to say but we never really cared. I do and hope you will too.

Discipline.

Do we have these? It ain’t for sale that I can assure you. It’s within you, and should emanate from your core. This is all we need. It may not be a glorious thing to do yet with your own small way, bit by bit, giving it a try, won’t a small deed of discipline done by you and one from your friend or a loved one makes two, a micro-deed today and who knows tomorrow it would be macro-deed already. Just start. From you, no one will ever do it for you. I wonder whatever happened to us, we were never like this before, we are not savages, we’ve been brought up by our forefathers to create a place to live, peaceful and free yet as we prosper, we get so busy with what we have and we don’t even care to look back and ponder over the important things we need. Practical usage: You know what is good and bad, you know what will harm and what will help, be an angel. Devils not only wear Prada they also have tusks and beard, if you know what I mean. 

Initiative.

Start by reducing your consumption, it won’t kill your integral if you do but it will in the long run, particularly if your a bit of a high-maintenance-type-of-gal, still you’ll manage. I guess! In your unique way you can. Don’t ever think it’s wee small endeavor as they say an apple-a-day is seven apples-a-week. literally? Yes! Don’t need arithmetic to sum it all up, right? Kidding aside, if you know you are doing the right stuff, don’t mind others, they can sulk and lull you around, still the very most essential part of it is you did what is right. No more, no less. Relatively it might start from you and perturb others to do the same. Being an influence is the most rewarding experience that you can achieve in your lifetime. Practical usage: If you’re a writer like me, try using the side B of the paper that you’re currently jotting. Saves paper, trees as well as money. And girls, please, use only a tantamount worth for your usage, the machinery and labor used on that tissue on your hand spent millions of pesos just to provide you a roll of it.

Magic.

Creating your own, setting your mind and making it your ain. Isn’t it a beauty? From a scratch to a work of art, is already an expression of who you are and what views you have in life. It might be plain cardboard at first but if you pour yourself into it, guess you’ll never know who would be touched after it becomes a Christmas card, am an old yoke, c’mon, give me a break. E-cards nowadays are so grabful so spare me the details. Practical usage: See the cardboard? Just purchase some bling-blings and decorative materials, paste it on, use your imagination and integrate something out of your head. You can even add shredding of your toenails. Eeww! Gross! but at least it’s personalized, it’s YOU. LOL!

Help.

Recycle everything that your hands can meddle, it may be big or small, doesn’t matter. Just please start now.Practical usage: Plastic bags that you’ve used for shopping? Fold them neatly when you get home, stack them and use them on the next purchase, supermarkets nowadays promotes GREEN living by providing paper bags and cloth-like materials that you can use over and over again. Less expensive and a sturdy way of shopping not worrying that your bundles would roll away if it gets torned. For plain Jane like me, that enjoys haggling in Divisoria and Tutuban? Don’t ask for plastic bags, they are just gonna end up in sewers and in time may block the flow, so please, kindly and for the effin’ love of earth, bring a tote or even a beach bag on your next shopping spree.

So the next time you buy your stuff, think GREEN and go for it! Be a Gaia for once!

Meet me Halfway / October 16, 2009

Am so diggin’ BEP’s new track. Catchy tune, effin’ lyrics and nice vocals. Haven’t seen the video yet but the latest  feedback was a blast, it was futuristic and tells the very story of BEP while they were on “HOLD”, well sort of from the music world….

I can’t go any further then this
I want you so badly, it’s my biggest wish

I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day yes, i’m really missin’ missin’ you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day, yes i’m really missin missin you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl wuz up, wuz up, wuz up, wuz up

Meet me halfway, right at the boarderline
That’s where i’m gonna wait, for you
I’ll be lookin out, night n’day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i’ll stay
I can’t go any further then this
I want you so bad it’s my only wish

Girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe I go to other galexies
Just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want, i, i, I want you right now
I travel uptown (town) I travel downtown
I wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
I love you alway..way

Can you meet me half way (I’ll meet you halfway)
Right at the boarderline
That’s where i’m gonna wait, for you
I’ll be lookin out, night n’day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i’ll stay
I can’t go any further then this
I want you so bad it’s my only wish
I can’t go any further then this
I want you so bad it’s my only wish

Let’s walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, i’ll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
I will try, until I die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,
For for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i

Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Meet me half way, right at the boarderline
That’s where i’m gonna wait, for you
I’ll be lookin out, night n’day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i’ll stay
I can’t go any further then this
I want you so bad it’s my only wish
I can’t go any further then this
I want you so bad it’s my only wish