in my life

Others said its going to be a lousy depiction of a gay life since it was written and directed by a straight, some said it would be bias since Filipinos have not yet embraced the western culture of a gay man’s life. And a friend told me, would be just one of those movies that would lure and mitigate a false pretense to us gays who may have suffered life, got hurt, badly broken yet learned to get up and fight for what he have. But who would know really? You? Me?

Out of curiosity, I watched In My Life,thinking why not, right? I could be the judge of my own understanding. Typical movie, city life, family feuds and drama, intoxicating workloads, pressure from both sides of the conflict. Well, I said typical, right?

What got me most was not the love story but how family tends to just focus on what a person can be but not how he was made to be that way. You may just be son or a daughter but I guess it was true that your parents don’t own you. You have a life of your own, you make the most out of it, you endure life’s unpredictability and come to your own terms. They may have brought life to you but sometimes they don’t really know who you are. Speaking for my own, yeah pretty much they only see what they want to see and what they tell you to be. I guess for most of us, would be perfectly happy having and living on their own. Nobody to answer to, nobody clinging to and no one to answer to but your self, aside from living a lonely life, which I dread and maybe you too, sums up everything what life is all about being who you are and who you can be. It may not be a perfect one but the satisfaction and fulfillment is there, although you’re empty and alone, at least you established and made a stand all on your own.

I know. I can very much relate to it.

It made me think, Noel was right, the world doesn’t just revolve around you, it may freeze for a moment, it may crash for all we know and may burn you to its core but we have to accept that aside from us there are a lot, billion perhaps out there, struggling, crusading for themselves and extant to the fact that it may be now or never.

If you’ll allow me to bitch for a moment, didn’t really like the love story, it was like a facade, for me nothing that sweet can be so true, cynical? Yes! I’ve already given up on relationships, promises broken, hearts torn and endless fights, cruel I guess but its mostly what I have experienced. I admit I enjoyed the fun and laughter, fat humor and incredibly nice conversations, but that’s just it. Maybe its just me yet looking at my friends, do and end up the same, makes us even, strong and a person all in all. Don’t get me wrong, am happy for all the couples that prevailed wear and tear but I guess not all us are meant to be in a relationship. I for one is a foe.

The sad part was, life is unfair. When all was good and okay, recuperating and getting well, relationship being rebuilt and bonding was at hand. Bam! It just happened. Death trailed along. Instead of bringing them together they stagnated and faltered. Cruel but I guess that’s how life is, a traitor and unfair. That I have come to expect and accept. With a smirk on my face and misanthropic smile, yes life is very unfair. Bitter as I am with who and what I have, am always thankful to Him that even with life’s uncertainties He’s there, guiding and allowing me to grow on my own, finding faults along the way, and getting back to my feet when adversaries hit me on the face to the ground.