Queer As Folk / August 6, 2009

I’ve been watching the series Queer as Folk-US version, as what I know there are other versions also, for over a month now, marathon every now and then, just reliving their glory days, catchy and steamy were most of the scenes, if you’ll ask me but it keeps me thinking what I have missed in all my younger years or did I have such? Well, I guess there was but I just let time pass by and bade me adiue. Enriching in a gay-kind-of-way but on a Filipino note, watching over it made me as ignorant as I can be everytime a scene gets flashed. It breaks and brings essence that in one way or the other, I very much can relate no matter how my viewpoints are conservatively provokes each role that the character portrays.

See Brian, as blatant as his personality is, his compassion as a true friend always emanates. It may not be as genuine as it can be but he always has a helping hand that you can trust and rely on. May it be small stuff or to the bizarre and odd ones. He is there, by your side no matter what happens. I like that!Michael has a distinct personality that I adore which is honesty, and nowadays is just so hard to concieve and achieve as nothing seems to be true at all, it’s like getting aspirin to cure cancer. How about that! Look at my instance, I have a sister, confused as she is as me, there are only 2 headcounts of us but as what i’ve said she never opens up. **** as she is, I love her with all my heart and support her as she does for me. Being true to yourself brings out the real you, no compromises and self doubt. The whole you. Packaged! Signed, sealed, delivered!

The intellectual Justine, love his wit, I wanna find someone like him, you can talk everytime and anytime with everything under the sun, fight over things but reflects maturity in some ways very hard to fathom nowadays since gay-men only thinks of one thing over the other which is clangoring SEX rather than knowing the worth of the person. Tough as it may seem you are always being judged of what you look like not what you think over things that matters.

Self-evaluative Ted, in which has given me a strong qoute to follow on serenity, courage and wisdom. I find it difficult to understand what happened to him, does it really come to a point in a man’s life that you will look for the things you never get to endulge and experience? Partly true on my end, peculiar though coz i’ve never been into those mischievous situations that compromisingly jeopardizes your whole self, been to some, but not that perilous.I’ll admit am learning the process am into right now, enjoying what am doing but really the emptiness and the nudge to find answers is still there. It has been years of me being the person I am but still can’t find myself, well I did, but somehow the clutter in me lost it again. Figuratively! True as they say, you need to find who you are to fully understand the things around you. I mean do you need to wait for it to happen or you need to find it for yourself? That am wondering!

Emett, love his character also. Famously known as “fuck them all” guy, doesn’t care what people think, a lovely friend and the ‘nelly” of the lot who wants himself to be. I love his nature. He can always brighten things up even in the doomest days of his life and knows when to fight back.Now in my recent ventures, I have come to acknowledge what I really am. A queer not a queen but I have come to realize the worth of true gay friends who always helps you out in trouble and despair. Erom, the ever loving friend who you can count in every gayness you could think of. Martin and Kat, bitches who always treats life as runway as their personality shines thru every glamor they exude. Mike, a friend, sort of not that kind of, did I just stammered? Well I like him but never reciprocates a thought or such, you could always wonder but he would never accrue a bit of what he is. And my ever true ally Phot, through thick and thin, buds for life, I really miss the days that we were so close and inseparable. Am just worried with the distance thats building up. I don’t want to overanalyze things but maybe it’s just me, haunted by my ghost, I know its my fault though, I keep on promising things am not able to keep. I miss him very much.

Well that’s about it, living a life away from you family makes you cling to people who jives with your nature and having friends close to you makes things worthy of it all.

Wondered if am stagnating, really nice to excruciate yourself out every now and then just like this, relieving to know that you can still construct a word or two. Am having the time of my life now and I have always believed in the karma cycle, I hope worst come to worst, I can still get up after hitting bottom. I know its not a good thought but am just prepping of what will come. Am still empty, is this part of maturity? Realizing all the things you should have and haven’t done?

Wreck, havoc and those sorts am unable to figure out.